Out of the Shadows
by SilenceintheLibrary13
Summary: While working on a particularly difficult and unsettling case, Jane and Maura finally admit to being in love and begin a relationship. Then the case collides with their personal lives in a way no one sees coming. Will they be able to get through it? TRIGGER WARNING. Strong themes of sexual assault. Set around seasons 3-4, because I wanted Frost to be alive.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

When Maura went to work that morning, all she could think about was the dream she'd had the night before. It wouldn't be such a big deal if it had just been a sex dream. She'd had a few sex dreams about Jane in the past, and had never thought much of it. Jane was an attractive woman, and she was the person Maura spent the most time with, so a dream like that was no surprise. Maura wouldn't even have minded acting on one of those dreams in the interest of scientific inquiry if Jane were willing, and if she could be sure it wouldn't hurt their friendship. But she was pretty sure Jane would not be willing, and even bringing it up might hurt their friendship, so Maura had simply brushed the dreams aside. Last night's dream was going to be more difficult though. It was much, much worse than a sex dream.

It was a _cuddling_ dream.

Jane and Maura had cuddled up under a blanket in front of the TV in real life, but not quite like this. In the dream, Maura had been leaning against Jane with her head on Jane's shoulder and her arms around Jane, and Jane had been slowly running her fingers through Maura's hair. Maura had felt unbelievably happy in the dream, and she knew Jane was happy too, because they were in love. That wonderful, crazy feeling of being in love had stayed with her even after she woke up. She couldn't shake it, and it worried her.

Instead of looking at the speedometer to see how far over the speed limit they were going, Maura kept stealing sidelong glances at Jane as they drove to the crime scene. Beautiful, lanky Jane was hunched over the steering wheel impatiently. She was wearing a leather jacket thrown over a t-shirt, and, as usual, her long hair was a glorious mess. Maura fought the urge to reach out and touch those unkempt curls.

 _What if I had that dream because I really_ am _in love with Jane?_ she thought. _What should I do if I am? Would she be really mad if I told her?_

"You okay?" asked Jane. "You're awful quiet this morning."

"You mean I'm _awfully_ quiet. But I'm fine."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Did you have a late night or something?"

"No, I got exactly eight hours of sleep." _Complete with cuddling dreams._

Jane chuckled, putting the car in park. "Of course you did."

Korsak met them as they got out of the car. "Brace yourselves," he told them. "We've never seen anything quite like this before."

"What, a body in a dumpster?" joked Jane.

"You'll see what I mean when you look at the body."

At first glance, the body looked like so many others they had seen: a blonde woman, perhaps in her thirties, with bruises around her neck. She was completely naked and had bite marks on her breasts, but unfortunately, that wasn't anything new either. But it didn't take long for Maura to see what was so unusual about this case: there were tally marks carved into the woman's skin, all over her body. Some of the marks were white scar tissue, while others still looked red and angry.

"What the hell?" mumbled Jane.

"We've been speculating over what the tally marks might mean," said Frost. "Some of them look old, so we think the killer must have had her for a while. Maybe there's a tally for each day of her captivity."

"Couldn't she just draw marks on the wall like a normal person?" complained Jane.

"I don't think she did this to herself," said Maura. "Some of the marks are in places that would be very difficult for her to reach, like her upper back. Even if she could reach with the sharp object, it would have been nearly impossible for her to make such precise tally marks without being able to see."

"That was my thinking," said Frost. "I think whoever did this was carving tally marks into her skin each day."

"She's in the early stages of rigor," said Maura, dutifully taking the liver temperature. "It looks like she's been dead for about seven or eight hours."

"Well, if she's been missing for a while, there should be a report," said Jane. "We'll see if we can find her when we get back to the station."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jane couldn't remember exactly when Maura had become the most important person in her life. Somewhere along the way, she'd gone from being just someone from work, to a friend, to her best friend; and somewhere in there, Jane had started developing feelings that went beyond friendship. For a long time, she had dismissed it as a meaningless crush. After all, everyone had a woman crush at some point, right? And if Maura Isles was part of your life, she was naturally going to be the object of that crush. Maura was the closest thing to a perfect human being Jane had ever seen. She could be a bit goofy, but that only added to her charm. She was brilliant, beautiful, kind, and capable. There wasn't anything else quite like her. Who _wouldn't_ have a crush?

It had to be just a meaningless crush, though. There was no way for it to be anything else. For one thing, Maura was straight, and if she were going to be a lesbian she'd probably want someone with a similar upbringing and style sense anyway. For another, the entire Rizzoli family would flip out if Jane got together with Maura. Tommy would be jealous, Frankie would probably be collecting bets from people, and Ma would be wondering where she went wrong. And, finally, Jane had a dream in her head for how the rest of her life should go. She knew it wasn't the most realistic dream, but it was one that would make everyone happy, so she had to do her part to try to make it come true. In her dream, she would finally find just the right guy, someone who loved her the way she was and didn't want to domesticate her, and they'd get married and maybe have a kid. Once she had the perfect guy to focus all her romantic feelings on, she would go back to just having regular friend feelings for Maura, and they'd be best friends for the rest of their lives. Maura would also find a husband who truly appreciated her, and her kid would grow up with Jane's, and Ma would babysit, and everything would be perfect.

It was a nice dream, but lately Jane had been thinking it would make more sense to just marry Maura and forget about trying to find perfect guys for the both of them. They could have a kid together, if they wanted, and they could certainly make each other happy. People always said you should marry your best friend, right? Sure, Ma and everyone would freak out, but they'd get over it eventually. They all loved Maura, and she was already part of the Rizzoli family. For crying out loud, they had all the Rizzoli family gatherings in Maura's house as it was. Why not make it official?

But there was the catch: Maura wasn't interested in Jane like that. She was just her loyal, devoted best friend, and Jane was not going to do anything to mess that up.

Still, nothing could stop her from grabbing every possible excuse to go down to the morgue for the chance to hear Maura's voice and maybe see her do that adorable head tilt thing. It was sort of ironic that the morgue had become a place of solace for her, but she and Maura had had many a good heart-to-heart over a dead body. And when she was working on a case as disturbing as this one, she really needed the breath of fresh air that was Maura, even if she was surrounded by the stink of rotting flesh.

"I think we IDed the victim," Jane said as she strolled into the morgue carrying the missing person flyer Frost had printed out.

"Good. I have cause of death," said Maura.

"You go first."

"Based on the cutaneous bruising and her fractured larynx, it appears she died of asphyxiation due to manual strangulation."

"That's what I was expecting. And the rape kit?"

"Extensive bruising and tearing of the vaginal wall indicates repeated sexual assault. I did find semen, which I'm having tested now."

"Great. With any luck, he'll already be in the system."

"We're also running a tox panel, because I found this." She pointed to the inside of the woman's elbow, where they were several needle marks. "I'm looking for something he could have used to subdue her. She doesn't have a lot of defensive wounds, and the only evidence I can find that she was physically restrained was the bruising around her right ankle." She lifted the sheet to show Jane what she meant. "It's consistent with the bruising you would see if someone was handcuffed for an extended period of time."

"Which is enough to keep her from running away, but not enough to keep her from trying to gouge the man's eyes out every time he raped her. He probably did drug her to keep her from fighting too much. Then again, the fight probably went out of her eventually." She held up the flyer. "Her name's Kelly Bruin. She's 34, had a husband and two kids, and went missing three months ago. When her husband made the report, he said their kids' school called him at work when she failed to pick them up. When he got home, he found her car in the driveway and her keys on the ground near the back door. Otherwise, not a trace. The theory was that someone grabbed her as she was leaving to get the kids from school. Most of the neighbors weren't home at the time, and those who were didn't see anything. Husband's alibi is iron-clad. No leads."

Maura took the flyer and studied it carefully. "She was missing for ninety-six days," she said.

"Yeah, so?"

"So that means Frost's theory on the tally marks is wrong. She has two hundred seventy-one tally marks on her body."

"You actually counted them all?"

"How could I make a complete report without counting the tally marks?"

Jane shrugged. "Well, you're right. Frost's theory is obviously wrong. We're back to the drawing board on that one. Do you think you can take impressions of the bite marks?"

"I can try, but bite mark analysis isn't very reliable. There's a lot of potential distortion with bite marks in human skin."

"I know; I just don't want to leave any stone unturned." Jane noticed Maura looking down sadly at the victim. "What's wrong?"

"It's just…I know there's no such thing as a non-violent rape, but this is one of the worst I've seen, with the extent of the damage to her vagina. I can't imagine the pain she went through. And to go through that every day for three months, while she had a family missing her…and the tally marks. He was likely trying to cut deep enough to make sure those would leave permanent scars, and he gave her an average of two-point-eight marks each day she was with him."

"I know," said Jane, marveling inwardly at Maura's ability to do math so quickly in her head. "I just wish we knew what those marks _meant_."

Maura looked at her uncertainly, tilting her head slightly.

"You have an idea what they could mean, don't you?" asked Jane.

"I do, but I don't want to say it."

"Maura, if it could help the case in any way, you need to tell me so I can look into it. I know it's just a hunch and I know it might not be right, so just tell me."

Maura shook her head. "Even if I'm right, I don't think it would help the case. I think it would just depress me to say it out loud."

Jane sighed. "All right. Well, Frost and Korsak went to notify the family, so why don't I take you out for lunch? We can both get a little break from this depressing case."

Maura smiled. "That sounds nice."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Maura didn't have to go all the way upstairs to Homicide to give Jane her test results, but she often did anyway. Anyone else she would e-mail, but somehow no one seemed to question her commitment to giving Jane results in person. When she arrived this time, she found Jane, Korsak, Frost, and Frankie crowded around a screen. None of them looked happy.

"What's going on?" Maura asked.

"Another woman's gone missing," explained Frankie. "We think it's the tally marks guy again."

"She is his type," agreed Jane, motioning to the picture on the screen of a blonde woman in her mid-thirties. "This one lives alone, but her parents reported her missing. They found her keys and purse next to her car, in her building's parking garage. No witnesses."

"We could really use the DNA results," said Korsak.

"Well, I have them, but it isn't going to help much," said Maura. "There was no match in CODIS. Whoever he is, he's not in the system yet."

"Shit," mumbled Korsak. "Did you get the tox screen too?"

"Yes. He was injecting her with ketamine, in doses high enough to potentially put her in a catatonic state."

"Well, that explains why she didn't fight much," said Jane.

"Exactly," agreed Maura. "She may not have even known where she was while under the effects of the ketamine. On high enough doses, people have been known to enter a hallucinatory state where they lose all sense of time and even self. The only good news is that she may have had no concept of how long she'd been there, and she likely had little memory of the things he did to her."

"Great," said Jane. "At least our new vic can look forward to seeing rainbows and unicorns while she's actually being raped and carved up."

Maura smiled grimly. "I wish I could have been of more help."

"It's not your fault the killer's DNA isn't in CODIS," said Jane. "Listen, we gotta go interview this new lady's family, but when I get back, I was thinking maybe we could grab some Chinese food and go back to my place?"

Maura smiled again, for real this time. "I would like that. Let me know when you're back."

Before she got on the elevator, Maura looked back and watched for a minute as Jane discussed the case with the other cops. She knew they didn't have much to go on yet, but she had complete faith in Jane. Jane would not rest until they got to the bottom of this. _She's never been with anyone who appreciates her as much as I do_ , Maura thought impulsively. _She deserves to be appreciated. I could give her that_.

Instead of going straight back to the morgue, she stopped at the Division One Café to buy a snack from Angela. Tommy was there eating a sandwich, so Maura sat down with him to work on her muffin.

"Have you ever wondered if Jane has any secret lesbian tendencies?" she blurted out after exchanging pleasantries.

"Well, yeah," said Tommy. "She's kind of butch."

Maura frowned. "I wouldn't really call her butch."

"You didn't grow up with her."

"Has she ever actually shown an interest in another woman?"

"What, you mean other than you?"

Maura's pulse quickened. "She's interested in me?"

"I'm not saying she is; I'm just saying it wouldn't surprise me. I mean, if she was going to go after a woman, it would have to be you. You're the one she spends all her free time with, and she never wants me to touch you. Have you ever noticed that?"

"Well, she doesn't want anything going on between her best friend and a family member because it could get awkward."

"Maybe, but if she wanted to date one of my friends, I wouldn't care. She doesn't even like it if I hug you."

"Interesting." Maura turned his words over in her mind.

"Why are you asking, anyway? Did she make some kind of pass at you?"

Maura giggled. "No, not at all. I'm just…curious, is all. Don't tell her I asked though. You know how she gets."

"Yeah, I know."

Maura wrapped up the remainder of her muffin and headed back downstairs. She wanted to see if she'd gotten an e-mail back from her mother, whom she'd been trying to get to visit, and she needed a moment to contemplate what Tommy had said.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was obvious on the drive home that Maura was upset about something. Jane could tell from the fact that Maura was trying to organize her glove compartment.

"Jane, I'm just going to throw out this lipstick," she said. "It expired three years ago. Where's your trash bag?"

"I don't have one."

"Then what do you do with your car trash?"

"As you can see, I stuff it in my glove compartment."

"I'm going to get you a car trash bag. This is very unhealthy."

"You do that, Maura," Jane said in resignation as she parked her car in front of her building. "I'm going to walk Jo Friday before I eat, but you can start without me if you want."

By the time Jane got back in with the dog, Maura had set out their food on the kitchen counter, complete with real dishes, which was more than Jane had planned on doing. She sat down to eat and noticed Maura sorting the vegetables on her plate by color.

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" she finally asked.

Maura sighed. "Well, I've been e-mailing my mom. She hasn't come to see me since what happened the last time."

"When she was hit by the car."

"Yes. I didn't think she blamed me for that."

"Of course she doesn't. Someone tried to run you over, and she did what any mother would do and pushed you out of the way. She knows it wasn't your fault."

"She said when she came to visit that time that she wanted to start spending more time with me, but when I talk to her about visiting again, she never has time."

"I'm sure she's just busy." Constance Isles had made that last trip in part because Jane had given her a stern talking-to about her tendency to blow Maura off, although Maura didn't know about that. It was better to let her think Constance had made the decision on her own. Jane made a mental note to talk to Constance again if she could find an opportunity. She didn't understand how anyone could not want to spend as much time as possible with Maura. She also couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a mother you rarely saw. Jane never went a single day without seeing her mother, whether she wanted to or not. Hell, _Maura_ never went a single day without seeing Jane's mother. And as much as Jane complained about her mom being overbearing, she loved her for being a mother to Maura as well.

"I have four parents," Maura remarked when they had finished eating and moved to the couch. "Twice as many as most people. You'd think I could have a good relationship with one of them."

"Maura." Jane put her hand on Maura's knee and squeezed. "If it helps at all, I really do think they all care about you. Even Paddy."

"I know they do, in their own way. But…sometimes I just feel like no one actually loves me for being _me_."

"Maura! How can you say that? Everyone loves you! _I_ love you!" She put her hand on Maura's face. "I love everything about you. I love you more than _anything_." Impulsively, she leaned forward and kissed Maura, ever so gently, on the lips. She pulled back then, worried that she had made a mistake, but Maura didn't look upset. She was just staring at her with those big, hazel eyes, and she looked so… _trusting_. Jane kissed her again, and again and again, until the next thing she knew Maura was lying back on the couch with Jane on top of her, and Jane was covering Maura's face with kisses. Suddenly overwhelmed, she wrapped her arms tightly around Maura and just buried her face against Maura's neck for a moment.

"Jane," Maura murmured, "I love you too."

Jane lifted her head and looked down at Maura. "So you want this?"

Maura smiled, her family predicament momentarily forgotten. "Yes. I do."

So Jane resumed kissing Maura, as Maura twined her fingers in Jane's hair. After several minutes, Maura interrupted to ask if they could move to the bedroom.

"You're sure?" Jane asked her.

"I'm sure."

Jane got up and helped Maura to her feet. They walked together to the bedroom, where Maura pulled Jane down onto the bed with her. Jane hesitated.

"Maura, I want to do this. I do. But…maybe I should read a manual first or something."

Maura laughed. "Since when do you read the manual for anything?"

"Well, this is…major."

"You don't need a manual. I'm a woman. I have the same genitalia you have. You know what to do."

"But I've never—"

"Jane." Maura kissed her. "You really love everything about me?"

"Yes."

"Then show me."

Jane had never been good at saying no to Maura, and Maura in bed was a different story altogether. Heart pounding, she slowly unbuttoned Maura's blouse, then unhooked her bra and slid it off, revealing two full and absolutely perfect breasts. It actually wasn't the first time Jane had seen them, but before she hadn't been permitted to stare, or to touch. She tentatively slid her hands over them, feeling the nipples harden under her thumbs. She leaned down to kiss Maura's right breast and then slowly slid her tongue around it. Maura moaned softly. Jane slowly traveled around with her tongue, eventually bringing it up to Maura's nipple and swirling it around. Maura moaned a little louder. Jane began to suck on Maura's nipple, which caused Maura to seize Jane's head and hold it firmly in place. So far, so good.

But then Maura announced, in her most commanding voice, "Jane, I want you to go down on me."

Jane was immediately filled with terror, but it was too late to back out now. She carefully removed Maura's skirt and panties. Now Maura was completely naked, while Jane was still wearing her suit from work. Jane knelt down between Maura's legs and tenderly, uncertainly, kissed her. Maura's hands immediately seized Jane's head again, urging her on. _What the hell have I gotten myself into?_ Jane thought. She slid her tongue slowly around Maura's pussy, tasting her wetness. She touched Maura's clit with the tip of her tongue and, hearing Maura gasp, began licking very softly, and then harder.

"Jane, use your fingers too!" Maura cried.

Jane was on the verge of having a panic attack, but she obediently wet her fingers and slid two inside of Maura. _If she doesn't come soon, I'm going to pass out from the effort_ , she thought. _And I am definitely reading some kind of manual before I do this again_.

Fortunately, within minutes Maura's back was arching from her orgasm. Jane crawled up to her pillow and collapsed. Maura turned to face her, a smile lighting up her face. "Now I get to do you!"

Jane rubbed her face, then realized she was smearing Maura's wetness on herself. "Maura, you don't have to."

"But I want to! Don't you want me to?"

Jane thought for a second. "Yes. I want you to. But—"

"Then I'm going to. I think you will find I'm quite dexterous." Maura immediately busied herself with removing Jane's clothing.

Later, after Maura had used her impressive dexterity to give Jane the sweetest orgasm, Jane took Maura in her arms and whispered, "Do you feel loved now?"

"I do," Maura whispered back, and then she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

Jane lay awake for hours, her heart still racing. She felt simultaneously ecstatic and terrified. She finally had what she'd wanted for a long time: she had professed her love for Maura, and it didn't scare Maura away. Instead of being scared, she was _happy_. It was the best possible outcome. Now when she felt like kissing Maura, she could just do it. If a guy hit on Maura, she could actually say, "Back off, she's mine." But she couldn't stop wondering if Maura really loved her the same way, or if she was just accepting the comfort that was offered to her in a vulnerable moment. Had Jane taken advantage of her? Would Maura still feel the same way tomorrow, or next week?

Jane ran her fingers through Maura's soft, silky hair. She looked so beautiful, so peaceful. Jane finally gave in to the moment and just let herself relax. She kissed the top of Maura's head, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. "I love you," she whispered, hoping the words would make their way into Maura's dreams.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When Maura woke up the following morning, she had the rare experience of feeling like she was waking from a lovely dream, only to discover that it hadn't been a dream. The sun was just coming up, but she knew they would need an early start today, so she decided to go ahead and wake Jane.

Jane's eyes registered surprise when she first opened them, but then she smiled—or at least, she did what passed as a smile for her this early in the morning. "Hey," she said.

"Good morning!" chirped Maura, leaning forward to kiss her. "I know it's early, but I need time to go home and get clean clothes before we go to work."

"Yeah, that's smart," said Jane, looking at the clock. "I'll make coffee." She sat up, touched Maura's hair, and reached for her cell phone. "Oh, crap."

"What is it?" asked Maura, struggling to find all the pieces of the outfit she'd had on yesterday.

"It's my mom. She noticed that you didn't come home last night, and she's worried." Jane got up and wriggled into her robe while typing one-handed.

"What are you telling her?" Maura realized she was putting on Jane's underwear, but decided it didn't matter.

"I'm telling her you crashed at my place and everything's fine."

"That's all?" Maura was slow about buttoning up her shirt. She could see Jane staring at her breasts, and she liked it.

"What do you want me to tell her, that we were up late fucking?"

Maura giggled. "No, but…what _are_ we going to tell her?"

"Nothing yet. No one needs to know anything yet."

Maura tilted her head. "Why not? Are you embarrassed?"

"Embarrassed? That the prettiest girl in Boston is my…"

"Your what, Jane?"

Jane threw her hands up. "I don't know, Maura. What are you?"

Maura looked down, stepping into her skirt. "I guess I don't know either. Am I your girlfriend now?"

"Do you want to be?"

"Only if you want me to be."

"Fine, then, you're my girlfriend. So I snagged the prettiest girl in Boston, probably the prettiest in Massachusetts, and maybe even the prettiest in the world. No, I'm not embarrassed. But our relationship just underwent a major and very sudden change. I think we need time to process it ourselves before we tell everyone we know."

"I suppose you have a point." Maura followed Jane to the kitchen and began pouring herself a bowl of cereal while Jane started the coffee.

"Here's the thing," said Jane. "If I had slept with anyone else for the first time ever last night, I would have called you this morning and told you all about it. And you would be the only person I told today, maybe even this week. I would wait to see what happened next. But last night it was you that I slept with, and I kind of still only want to tell you about it."

Maura smiled. "I understand."

Jane turned and put her hands on Maura's shoulders. "You know once we tell my family and everyone at work that we're together, they're going to be part of our relationship too. I want it to be just us for a little while."

Maura hugged her and planted a kiss on her lips. "We can do that."

Jane smiled down at her. "So, how are you feeling today? Better about stuff?"

"You mean my mom?" Jane nodded. "Well, I'm distracted for now. It's still something I have to deal with. But you definitely succeeded in taking my mind off of it."

Jane frowned. "So, for you, how much is this about…taking your mind off things?"

"Oh, Jane." Maura kissed her again. "None of it. This is what I want. This is sort of what I've always wanted, I think. I just didn't always realize it."

"Really?" Jane's face lit up. "Because I think I've been kind of in love with you practically since I met you."

" _Jane_! Why didn't you say something a lot sooner? We could be married by now!"

"Well that escalated quickly," said Jane, raising her eyebrows. "I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't think you would ever feel the same way. I just hoped I'd get over it."

"Well I'm glad you finally got up the nerve to do something about it."

"You could have said something too."

"I never had a best friend before. I thought maybe this was just how it felt."

"Oh, Maura." Jane turned back to the coffee maker. "I meant what I said, last night. Next time you're having a bad day, I want you to remember that there is at least one person in the world who loves you more than anything, no matter what."

Maura accepted the cup of coffee Jane offered, beaming. "I don't think I'll forget."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jane was glad the people she worked with upstairs were men. Not one of them noticed her moodiness that day, as she agonized over whether she and Maura were doing the right thing. She'd spend about an hour feeling like the luckiest and happiest human being on the planet, then spend another hour hating herself for dragging Maura into this ill-advised relationship that would probably ruin both their lives, then go back to feeling happy again. They spent most of the day interviewing people who knew Jennifer O'Malley, their new missing person, so it was late afternoon before she had the chance to go down to the morgue and see Maura.

She was happy to see that Maura was alone when she found her. After glancing around to make sure no one was nearby, Jane took Maura in her arms and kissed her.

"We probably shouldn't do that at work," said Maura, but she was smiling.

"Do what?" asked Jane, eyes wide with mock innocence.

"So how did the interviews go?"

"Okay I guess, but we haven't found any connection whatsoever between Jennifer O'Malley and Kelly Bruin. The only thing they have in common is age, hair color, and body type. My gut feeling says this guy is serial, or at least he plans to be. He just hasn't killed enough people yet for it to be official."

"Well, hopefully we can stop him before he kills anyone else, so he'll never be serial."

"I hope so, but so far we have nothing. _Nothing_ useful. The DNA is worthless if we don't have anything to connect it to. And while we're here spinning our wheels, Jennifer O'Malley is probably going through hell. I hate this case. I _hate_ it." She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration, hit a bunch of tangles, pulled them back out. "The worst part is that it's happening _right now_. If we're right that Jennifer was taken by the same person as Kelly was, then she's somewhere out there right now, getting drugged, violently raped, and having weird tally marks carved into her skin. And we can't do a damn thing about it." She froze and looked down at Maura. "Wait a minute, that's it, isn't it? That was what you didn't want to say?"

"What is?"

"The tally marks. It's the number of times he's raping her, isn't it?"

Maura frowned. "Well, that is what I thought, but it's just one theory. There's no evidence to support it. It could be something else entirely."

Jane sighed. "Well, I guess you're right that it doesn't really bring us any closer to catching him. It just makes me hate him more."

Maura took Jane's hand. "When I leave here, I'm going to go home and cook. I can make it like an official date, if you want. I'll light candles. It'll take your mind off the case."

"I've never understood why candlelight dinners are supposed to be so romantic. How is hardly being able to see you going to help me feel more attracted to you?"

Maura laughed. "Actually, dining by candlelight forces you to focus on the person in front of you because you can't see your surroundings that well. Also, the dim lighting causes your pupils to dilate, which is also a sign of attraction, and it's always a turn on to see someone who appears to be attracted to you."

"Duly noted. Well, you can get out the candles if you want, but…" She glanced around and then lowered her voice. "You already know I'm attracted to you, and I'm not going to be looking anywhere else."

Maura tilted her head. "Interesting."

"What's interesting?"

"I always thought your pupils were slightly larger than average, but if you think about it, I only see your pupils when you're looking at me. You could have been showing signs of attraction all along and I just didn't realize."

"I don't believe it," said Jane. "The brilliant Dr. Smartypants overlooked an important clue."

When Jane left work that evening, the first place she went was to a bookstore. She wandered around for a few minutes, eventually finding some books about sex, but they all seemed to be for straight couples. _I learned how to do that without a manual_ , she thought. She considered just leaving and resolving to keep winging it, but she decided Maura deserved better. She went on the hunt for an employee, but the first one she found was a guy, so she quickly backtracked until she found a female employee.

"Can I help you?" the lady asked.

"Yes, um, do you have any…" She looked around nervously, leaned very close to the employee, and said, in her lowest audible voice, "…any kind of manuals or something for, um, you know, lesbian sex?" She cringed as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

The lady smiled. "Right this way," she said. She led Jane to the LGBT section ( _damn it, why didn't I think to look there?_ Jane thought) and showed her a few guides to lesbian sex. Jane decided to buy one of each, just to be safe, although she was extremely embarrassed when she checked out. She headed out to her car and stuffed the books under the back seat. _Of course, she's going to expect me to do it again before I get the chance to read the damn books_ , she thought, but it couldn't be helped.

As she drove to Maura's, all she could think about was how badly she'd fucked up by kissing her in the first place. Why didn't she just hug her like usual, or give her a kiss on the cheek? Now she felt like she'd signed a contract to keep Maura happy for the rest of her life. She couldn't just back out. Maura would be hurt. But if Jane failed her somewhere down the line, she would be hurt even worse. Their friendship was the best thing Jane had in her life, and now she had wrecked it.

Jane parked her car at Maura's and walked into a dark house. Maura had indeed set candles up on the dining table and was busy in the kitchen.

"Hello Jane!" she said cheerfully. "Dinner's almost ready! I'm making oricchiette bolognese."

Jane didn't know what the hell that was, but she figured she'd find out when she ate it. She sat down at the table and realized she should have thought to stop somewhere other than the bookstore.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm a horrible date. I should have brought you flowers or a bottle of wine or something. I just don't know how to do this."

"It's okay!" Maura assured her. "I have a 2004 Chianti Superiore for us. I only needed you to bring yourself." Maura brought the food to the table and began pouring the wine. "This date's on me, but you can do the next one, if you want."

"Oh, yeah. You can come to my place and I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich, paired with a nice beer."

Maura smiled and sat down across from Jane. "You know I wouldn't mind if you did. We'd still have fun."

Jane made a face. "I'm starting to think all you care about is seeing me naked."

"That is one of the things I want." Maura's smile faltered. "Is something bothering you?"

"I just…I feel like I've lost my best friend."

Maura frowned. "But I'm right here."

"I know, but…yesterday you were my best friend, and today you're my girlfriend."

Maura put her hand on Jane's. "I'm still your best friend. I'll always be your best friend. I can be two things at once."

"But what if we don't work out as a couple? We'll lose everything."

"No we won't. Jane, we've been friends for several years. We've gone through a lot together. There's no reason why this would ruin it. I think we'll work out, but if we don't, we can still be best friends."

"That's what everyone says, and then it doesn't happen."

"Most people weren't BFFs for years before they got together. You're the most important person in my life, Jane. I'm not going to give you up that easily."

Jane smiled slightly. "I hope not. I really do want this to work."

"We already know each other really well. I think we have an excellent chance."

Jane sipped her wine. "So, am I supposed to cut off all my hair and go full butch now?"

Maura's eyes shot daggers at her. "If you cut off your hair, I will break up with you."

"So you only want me for my hair?"

"I want you for _you_. Jane, I don't want you to change anything about yourself for me. _You_ are the person I fell in love with. I want you to stay exactly the way you are. Also, I love your hair."

"Okay, okay. This is just uncharted territory for me."

"It is for me too, but I know it isn't going to work if we try to fit into some stereotype. Let's just be us, together."

"I can do that." Jane ate quietly for a minute, feeling a little ashamed. Maybe she was making too much of things. "You know, with this candlelight, I can't even see what color your eyes are."

"Don't you know what color my eyes are?"

"Of course, but…" She looked down. "They're pretty. And I can't see them."

Maura broke into a grin that made Jane's anxiety disappear. "I'll turn the lights back on as soon as we're done eating."

XXX

When Angela got home that night, she saw that Jane's car was still there. She peered through the window to see if the girls looked like they might want company, but when she saw them, they were on the couch talking like they were the only two people in the world. Maura's fingers were in Jane's hair, and Jane had her arms around Maura. As she watched, Jane leaned down and kissed Maura tenderly on the face, as though she were the most precious thing in the world.

Angela turned around and went into the guest house. "They must think I was born yesterday," she muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Maura was a little surprised when she and Jane went to get breakfast at the Division One Café the next morning and Tommy immediately accosted them.

"I just want you both to know that this family supports you no matter what," he said earnestly.

"What the hell got into you?" asked Jane. "Support us in what?"

"In everything. And Maura, we already consider you to be part of the Rizzoli family."

"Thank you, Tommy," said Maura, wondering what had brought this on. She went to the counter and ordered pancakes for herself and Jane while Angela gave her a long, searching look.

"You know how much we all love you, right, Maura?" Angela asked in response to the pancakes order.

"Y-yes. Why?"

"I just want you to know. And, if it were anyone else, I might be upset. But since it's you, I'm going to try and keep an open mind."

Maura exchanged a look with Jane when she joined her at the table, but they couldn't say anything yet. Just then, Korsak entered the café carrying an evidence bag.

"Look what came in the mail yesterday," he said, showing Jane and Maura the bag. Inside was a photograph of Kelly Bruin, asleep in a single bed with an iron headboard. She appeared to be naked under a plain white blanket.

"Our unsub sent that?" asked Jane. "Is he nuts?"

"Look at the back," said Korsak. He flipped the bag over and they could see that the back of the photograph was covered in tally marks, drawn in red ink.

"Let me see that," said Maura, grabbing the bag. She studied the back of the picture carefully. "Two hundred seventy-one marks. The same number that was on Kelly's body."

"So basically, he's taunting us," said Jane. "Did he send this to anyone in particular?"

"Just to the BPD. That's why I didn't see it until just now, but I told them to let us know right away if anything similar shows up. We were hoping you could process it, Maura, and tell us if there's anything traceable. Fingerprints, an unusual kind of ink, anything."

"I'll try," promised Maura.

Maura spent her morning working on the picture, but she didn't come up with anything particularly useful. There were no fingerprints, the ink was pretty standard, and the picture contained no clues as to where it might have been taken. Close to lunchtime, Jane came down to the lab and dropped another evidence bag in front of Maura.

"Guess what came in the mail today," she said grimly.

Maura picked up the bag and saw a photograph of Jennifer O'Malley, lying on the same bed Kelly had been in. Unlike Kelly, she was awake in her picture; her eyes were filled with pure terror. Maura flipped the picture over. On the back were five tally marks, and scrawled under them were the words "SO FAR."

"I think you were right about the marks," said Jane quietly.

Tears welled up in Maura's eyes. "This is terrible!" she exclaimed. "This is even sicker than what we normally see!"

"I know. And seeing this picture of Jennifer only makes it that much more real." Jane sighed. "I hate this guy, Maura. I _hate_ him."

"I'm doing everything I can."

"I know, Maura. We all are." She paused. "So, I think Ma and Tommy know about us. You didn't say anything, did you?"

"I haven't said anything. You didn't, did you?"

"No. They must have seen something. We probably have been acting differently towards each other."

"If one of them does ask me, you know I can't lie."

"I know. I don't want you to get hives or anything."

"Maybe your mom just noticed that you spent the night with me last night, and it made her suspicious."

"It's hardly the first time I've spent the night at your house."

"No, but she also knows _I_ spent the night with _you_ the night before last. That's a lot of togetherness even for us."

"Maybe we _are_ being too obvious." Jane shrugged. "You know what? I don't even give a shit anymore. If they put it together, they put it together. I've got much bigger things to worry about than whether people know I'm sleeping with you."

Maura smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

By the time two months had passed, Jane and Maura had long since told everyone about their relationship. They had gotten mixed reactions at first, but all the surprise and uncertainty had died down. Everyone was used to the situation now, and really, it was surprising how little had changed. They had settled into a comfortable routine, had gained a lot of confidence in bed, and most of Jane's relationship fears had gone away. She felt like she was doing what she had always been meant to do. She was just thinking she couldn't even remember being this happy before, when Jennifer O'Malley's body turned up.

It was a different dumpster this time, in a different part of town, but she was disposed of in the same way Kelly had been: completely naked, with tally marks carved into her skin.

"One hundred sixty-eight tally marks this time," Maura announced when Jane came to see how the autopsy was going. "Not as many, but he didn't keep her as long."

"I wonder why not," said Jane.

"I don't know," said Maura. "She has mostly the same injuries as Kelly had. Bite marks on her breasts, needle marks in her arm, tearing and bruising in her vagina. She also has a cracked rib."

"Maybe he had to work a little harder to subdue this one," Jane suggested hopefully. She wanted someone to fight him, to make things just a little more difficult for him.

Maura looked troubled. "Jane, I want you to move in with me."

Jane's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Maura! I hardly think this is the time to discuss something like that!"

"I think this is exactly the time, Jane. Look at this woman. She was never expecting to be abducted, tortured, and murdered. None of us knows when we might lose everything. Life is too short for us to put things off. I want you with me all the time. I want us to make a life together, and I want to start now."

"But we've only been dating two months."

"If we'd only met two months ago, I would say you had a point, but we've been practically in a relationship for years. I'm not asking you to marry me. I just want you to live with me. You spend most of your time at my house anyway."

"I do, but…I really don't want to live with my mom."

"How much more time would you really be spending with your mom if you lived at my house, as opposed to just spending the night four or five times a week?"

"Well, I guess not much more…"

"It wouldn't be forever. Someday we could buy an old house together and fix it up, and it would really be _our_ house. But for now, I just want you with me. We waited too long to get together in the first place. I don't want to wait too long again." Her voice broke.

"Maura, come here." Jane walked around the autopsy table and pulled Maura into her arms. Maura pressed her face to Jane's chest, and Jane stroked her hair. "We won't wait too long about anything else," she promised. "Remember what I told you when we got together? I love you. I love _everything_ about you. I love you more than anything." She kissed Maura's head. "And I have always been putty in your hands, so I don't know what you're worried about. You always get your way with me in the end."

Maura laughed through her tears. "Not always."

"Almost always. So calm down. Give me a little time to think about it, okay?"

"Of course. I don't want you making a hasty decision. Especially not over a dead body." She pulled back and wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry. I just got emotional. I was really hoping we would find her alive."

"Yeah, we all were."

After they had notified the family, Jane was able to grab Maura for a late lunch at the Dirty Robber. Maura was a little cheerier by then, but Jane could tell the stress of the case was still wearing on her. Jane couldn't blame her; knowing another woman could be kidnapped any day by the same sicko was wearing her down as well.

"Do you have a whole hour for lunch today?" Maura asked her.

"Yeah, unless I get a call saying otherwise."

Maura nodded. "I always lock the door to my office when I leave for lunch."

"That's…smart, but why are you telling me this?"

"Because if we eat fast enough, I might have time to sneak you in the back way, take you to my office, lock the door back, make sure the blinds are closed, and give you an orgasm on my couch while everyone thinks we're still at lunch."

Jane's eyes widened. "So, not only do you want to have sex at work, but I get to have the orgasm? Are you still thinking about how short life is, or is this part of your campaign to get me to move in with you?"

"Mostly the former, but you did give me one this morning, and there wasn't enough time for me to do you. It makes me feel unbalanced, like when I have to leave in the middle of a yoga class." She smiled brightly. "So now I want to hit that!"

Jane nearly spit out her drink. "Maura, please, it's better if you don't try to talk like other people," she said, but she couldn't stop laughing. "You know what? I think I've eaten enough. Shall we do our sneaking around?"

Maura grinned and jumped up from the table. Jane followed her back to the station and down to her office, where Maura quickly locked the door and checked the blinds.

"I think I like this side of you," said Jane. "The rebellious, rule-breaking side."

Maura flashed her a smile. "Get on the couch."

Jane got on the couch. "Now your bossy side I was already familiar with. Most people don't realize you have that side."

"I mostly only show it to you," admitted Maura, swiftly removing Jane's shirt and bra. She sucked each of Jane's nipples in turn, blowing on each one afterwards, which always made Jane squirm in the best possible way. The Maura finished undressing her and began deftly working her clit with her fingers. Jane glanced up at the window that looked out into the hallway to make absolutely sure the blinds were properly closed. They were, so she relaxed and let herself enjoy Maura's incredible fine motor skills. Maura had often remarked that she loved Jane's long fingers, but Jane decided shorter fingers were just fine as long as you knew what to do with them. And Maura did.

Jane closed her eyes as Maura found her G-spot. As Maura brought her to climax, she grabbed the couch cushions and bit her lip to try to keep from crying out. Maura took her into her arms and kissed her.

"I love you so much," Maura whispered.

"I love you too, and I don't want to rush you, but I'm expected back upstairs in five minutes."

Maura let go of Jane and watched her get dressed. "I feel more balanced now," she observed.

"That's great." Jane fastened on her gun holster and her badge. "Do I look like someone just fucked me on a couch?"

Maura smiled enigmatically.

"I mean it, Maura, you can't let me go upstairs looking like we just did what we did. If the guys figure it out, they'll never let me live it down."

Maura stood and smoothed out Jane's clothes and hair. "You look ready to catch bad guys," she assured her.

"Good." She gave Maura one last kiss before hurrying upstairs.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When Maura got the text from Jane a few days later, she hurried upstairs as quickly as she could. She desperately hoped it would be a break in the case that had been stressing them all out for over two months, but when she arrived in Homicide, she found everyone looking pretty depressed.

"I have another picture for you," said Jane, "and we have another missing woman."

Maura took the picture from Jane. It was what appeared to be a more recent photograph of Jennifer O'Malley: she looked thinner than in her previous picture, and her eyes now had a listless appearance instead of the abject terror from before. On the back were one hundred and sixty-eight red tally marks.

"Our new missing woman is Rebecca Laurent," said Korsak, motioning towards the screen in front of him. There was a picture of another blonde woman with a similar build to the previous two. "She's thirty-seven years old," Korsak continued. "Her husband says she usually beats him home from work. He got home last night, her car was there, but she wasn't. He found her keys and purse next to the car. Looks like he took her just as she was getting out."

"He doesn't have much of a cooling-off period," said Frost. "My thinking is that he already has his next victim picked out before he kills the one he has. He's picking women with a similar appearance and stalking them so he knows when and where he can take them without being seen. A day or two before he plans to take her, he kills the one he's already got and tosses the body in a dumpster. What we don't know is what makes him suddenly want a new one."

"Maybe he gets sick of them after they're all carved up," said Jane bitterly.

"Or maybe the thrill of the abduction is a big part of it for him," suggested Korsak.

Maura noticed Jane blinking back tears as she looked at the picture of Jennifer O'Malley. "What is it?"

Jane swiped at her eye with the back of her hand. "I just noticed that she looks a little like you." She looked up at Maura. "It just made me think. If anything like that happened to you…"

"I understand." Maura leaned forward and whispered mischievously, "I'd feel pretty safe if I had a cop living with me, though."

Jane laughed. "Be careful what you wish for. I called a realtor this morning. I'm selling my condo."

Maura broke into a grin. "Really?"

"Yes, really. So don't make me regret it!"

XXX

The next day, they received a picture of Rebecca Laurent in the mail. There were three tally marks on the back.

Four months later, they found her body in a dumpster.

Jane was numb with frustration. Their unsub was officially a serial killer now, and they still had no tangible leads. Cavanaugh was considering calling in the FBI.

"How many tally marks this time?" she asked Maura in the autopsy room. Her voice was utterly devoid of emotion.

"Three hundred fourteen. Cause of death is manual strangulation. Same injuries as before." She looked up at Jane. "She was also five weeks pregnant."

"Five weeks? So it had to be his."

"And he's probably already picked out whom he's taking next, hasn't he?"

Jane sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Most likely. I'm sure we'll be getting a picture of her before long."

Maura hesitated. "I wish—"

"We both wish, Maura. We all do."

Maura nodded and turned back to her computer. Jane went back upstairs.

XXX

When they got home that evening, Maura poured two glasses of wine and curled up on the couch with Jane. Jane had a Red Sox game on, which was of no real interest to Maura, but she was glad Jane had found something to focus on besides the depressing case. She pulled the blanket over their laps and leaned her head on Jane's shoulder. Jane put an arm around her and kissed her head.

"I'm glad you live here now," said Maura. "I like knowing you'll always be here at the end of a long day."

Jane smiled at her. "Me too. Although I still wish Ma would find her own place." She sipped her wine. "But you know what? I'll live with Ma forever if I have to, as long as I can be with you. You are, hands down, the best thing about my life. You make all the shitty stuff worthwhile."

"So do you." Maura lifted her face and kissed Jane's lips. "You know, I love everything about you."

"Mmm. I will bring that up next time you're mad at me."

Maura smiled. "Can you believe we've been together six months already?"

Jane thought for a moment. "It does seem weird, doesn't it? Sometimes I still can't believe I'm actually allowed to kiss you."

"It was the best thing you ever did. Kissing me, I mean, that first time. That was what set everything in motion. I've been happier with you than I've ever been before in my life."

"Me too." Jane finished her wine and wrapped both arms tightly around Maura. "You sure know how to get me out of a bad mood."

Maura set her glass down. "You know what would decrease our stress even more?"

"Orgasms?"

Maura giggled. "You know me so well."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jane could barely focus at work the next day. She was tired because she and Maura had spent a few hours "relieving each other's stress" the night before, and also distracted because that "stress relief" had been _amazing_. When she first got to work, she just slumped at her desk and stared at the picture of Maura she had taped to her computer monitor, until Frost snapped her out of it. He had noticed her staring dreamily at Maura's picture and was snickering at his desk, so Jane wadded up a piece of paper and threw it at him.

"Stop fighting, kids. We have a shooting to investigate," said Korsak sternly, but Jane could tell he was amused.

In a way it was nice to have a standard shooting to focus on that day instead of agonizing over their sadistic serial killer, but interviewing witnesses took until mid-afternoon, so Jane wasn't able to have lunch with Maura. When they finally got back, she planned to go down to the morgue to get a glimpse of her beautiful girlfriend, but Susie surprised her at the elevator.

"Detective Rizzoli," she said nervously, "have you heard from Dr. Isles? She said she was going by her-your house on her lunch break, but she never came back, and she's not answering her phone. Has she been with you?"

Jane felt like her entire world was crashing down around her. Without a word, she turned around and ran back out to her car.

She tried Maura's phone several times on the drive home, but it always rang and rang and then went to voicemail. She turned on her siren, only turning it off when she reached the block where they lived. Maura's car was there. _That means she's home_ , she thought absurdly, even though she knew perfectly well that Maura would never just go home for lunch and stay there. She went in the front door and called Maura's name, but only Jo Friday appeared. Jane walked quickly around the house, her heart thudding in her chest. Everything was exactly the way she had left it that morning. There was the couch, where they had been cuddled up drinking wine just last night; and the kitchen, where Maura and Ma often cooked together; and the dining table, where so many Rizzoli family gatherings had taken place.

 _Maybe she's upstairs_ , thought Jane. _Maybe she was really tired and she decided to lie down for a bit, and she's zonked out. She'll be so horrified when I wake her up and she sees what time it is_.

But their bed was still neatly made with those purple satin sheets Maura liked. The closet was empty too, and the guest room, and the yoga room. Jane went back downstairs and tried Maura's phone again. This time she heard a very faint buzzing. She followed the sound to the back door and slowly opened it, already knowing what she would find.

Maura's purse, phone, and keys were lying on the ground outside the back door.

And Maura was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

When Frost, Korsak, and Frankie arrived, they found Jane still kneeling next to Maura's things.

"She's gone," she said hoarsely when she saw them. "He took her. He _took her_." She looked up and made eye contact with Frankie. "How are we ever going to find her? What if we can't?"

"Don't say that," said Frankie sharply. "We'll find her. Of course we will."

"We worked so hard to find the others, and we couldn't. He's too good."

"We're going to find her," insisted Frankie. "He'll make a mistake soon." He knelt down next to his sister and put his arm around her. She leaned against him and started sobbing.

"I can't live without her, Frankie. I can't."

"You won't have to." Frankie looked helplessly at Frost and Korsak, but their expressions were not reassuring.

"Why don't we get Jane back inside and make her some tea," Korsak finally suggested. "Maybe then we can talk some more and figure out where to go next."

"I don't want any tea," Jane insisted as Frankie helped her to her feet. "We don't have time for tea. We have to try to find her before he hurts her."

Everyone gave her that helpless look again.

"Maura needs you to be able to think clearly," Frankie said, leading everyone inside. "You know if she were here she would make you a cup of tea to calm your nerves, so that's what I'm going to do." He searched through in the kitchen while Jane slumped into a counter chair, head in her hands.

"He's been taunting us for a while," said Frost. "Maybe he didn't take her for the same reason he took the others. Maybe he took one of our own because he wants something from us."

"That could be," said Korsak hopefully. "If that's the case, he might not hurt her the way he did the others."

Jane peered at them over her fingers. "I wish I could believe that," she said, "but she's his type. She's the right age, right body type, right hair color. This is the kind of woman he goes for. He might have zeroed in on her to taunt us further, but if he just wanted someone for ransom or something, why not take me or one of the other cops? Why take the medical examiner, who happens to resemble the other women?" She sighed. "I want you guys to be right. I do. But my gut says he took her because he wants her. And we all know what that means he's going to do to her."

The men shifted uncomfortably, knowing she was right.

"I'll go with Frost to interview the neighbors, see if anyone saw anything," said Korsak. "When we're done, we'll all go back to the station."

Frost and Korsak went out the back door. Frankie put a cup of tea in front of Jane.

"Please drink this," he said. "For Maura."

Jane bitterly sipped at the tea, but her hands were shaking so hard she could hardly hold the cup. Unable to sit still anymore, she got up and walked around, still trying to choke down the horrible tea Frankie made. She stopped when she got to the fireplace. Maura never used to put up photographs, but since Jane had moved in, she had framed several pictures and lined them up on the mantle. They were pictures of Maura and Jane, mostly, but there were some with other Rizzolis as well. There was a picture Frost had taken the day he helped Jane move out of her apartment, where they were standing on the sidewalk and Jane had grabbed Maura from behind and lifted her off her feet and they were both laughing. There was a picture of the whole family at the church before TJ's christening. There was a shot Ma had taken of Jane and Maura hugging while Maura kissed Jane's cheek. There was even a picture Maura had trustingly asked a stranger to take when they were out on a date. They were standing in front of a restaurant, both wearing nice dresses, and Jane was behind Maura with her arms around her. Maura had her hands on Jane's hands, Jane had her face against Maura's hair, and they were both smiling happily, even though Jane had been terrified that the stranger would steal Maura's phone.

Jane turned away from the pictures and looked at her brother with tears streaming down her face.

"This is what she was proudest of," she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Us. The life we were making together. Her becoming a Rizzoli. Us, me and her, together. She was so happy, Frankie. We both were."

"Don't say 'was,' Jane. We'll get her back and you'll both be happy again."

"But he's hurting her." She forgot about the teacup she was holding and barely noticed when it fell from her hands, shattering on the floor. "I failed her, Frankie. I should have seen this coming. I knew she was his type, but I still didn't think-"

"You didn't fail her. None of us are gonna fail her, okay?" He took Jane's arm, gently. "Forget about the cup for now. Let's go find Frost and Korsak, see if any neighbors saw anything."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Jane slumped at her desk, staring again at the picture of Maura taped to her monitor. The last time she had been here, just hours ago, all she could think about was the amazing sex she'd had with Maura the night before. She found herself going over it again in her mind, wondering how they had gone from pure bliss to absolute terror in such a short period of time. She wished she could rewind to last night and just pause there, with Maura safely in her arms forever.

As with the other missing women, the neighbors had been of no help. Most of them were at work when Maura was taken, and the few who had been home had been too absorbed in their own lives to notice anything unusual. Who wouldn't be?

Jane was still hoping for the best case scenario: that they would find Maura before the bastard had the chance to do anything to her. Maura would be frightened, and there would be lingering effects from the trauma, but it was nothing they couldn't handle. She knew every hour that passed made that scenario less likely, however, and she couldn't stop thinking about the worst case scenario: finding Maura's ravaged body in a dumpster a few months from now.

They couldn't let that happen. They _couldn't_. But how were they supposed to stop it with so little to go on?

She looked up to see her mother approaching. "I brought you a sandwich," Ma said grimly.

"Thanks, Ma, but I don't really have an appetite."

"You know Maura wouldn't want you starving to death on her account."

"I know." Jane touched Maura's picture gently, tracing her face with her finger. "What if I never get to touch her again?"

"You can't think like that."

"But what if I don't? He's killed three women so far and we don't even know who he is, or where he is."

"You're a good detective. You'll find him."

"I need you to feed Jo and Bass tonight, and maybe tomorrow too. And let Jo out in the yard at least."

"What does the turtle even eat?"

"Tortoise, Ma. She feeds him strawberries and some kind of green leafy things. Sometimes she gives him bits of cactus. Just look in the fridge for inedible green stuff. And try not to seem stressed. She says he won't eat in a stressful environment, and we need him to be in good health when she gets back." Her voice broke up a little on those last words.

"I'll try, but I _am_ stressed."

Jane nodded sympathetically. "You know, I always used to hear people saying they loved someone more than life itself, and I didn't really get what they meant by that." She looked up at her mother. "I think I get it now."

"Oh, Janie." Angela pulled her daughter into her arms, and Jane started crying in earnest.

"She has to be so scared, Ma. And I can't help her."

"You need to let me take you home, Jane. You need to get some sleep."

"No." Jane pulled away. "I can sleep when Maura's back. Tonight I'm staying here and going over everything we have until I find something useful."

"You can't go without sleep forever."

Jane raised her eyebrows. "Then we better make sure Maura's not gone forever."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jane made sure she was in the lobby when the mail came the next day. She knew what was coming, and although she dreaded seeing it, it was the only way to find out anything about Maura. Frost insisted on coming with her. He was thinking more practically than she was and had brought an evidence bag and gloves. He kept glancing nervously at Jane like he thought she was going to go off the deep end any minute. Jane couldn't really blame him for that. She thought she might, too.

When the expected envelope arrived, however, it wasn't addressed to the Boston Police Department like the others. This one was addressed to Det. Jane Rizzoli.

"So he knows I'm Maura's girlfriend," she said dully.

"She might have told him."

"Why would she tell him that?"

"She might tell him anything under the influence of the ketamine." Frost carefully opened the envelope and slid out the picture.

It was Maura, all right. She was in the same bed the other three women had been photographed in, but she was flinching away from the camera.

"She didn't cooperate when he took her picture," Frost observed.

"That's my girl," said Jane softly. "Okay, flip it over."

"You sure?"

She was trembling violently, but she didn't see how she was going to get any readier. "I'm sure."

 _Please don't have any marks on the back_ , she thought. _Please, please, be the first one with no marks_.

Frost flipped the picture over.

There were two red tally marks on the back. Each one felt like a knife in Jane's chest. She turned around, ran into the bathroom, and threw up.

When her mother came in to look for her, Jane was curled up on the floor in her stall, sobbing. She was actually thinking about how Maura would freak out if she saw her on the floor in such a germy place.

"Janie, Frost told me about the picture," Angela called through the door. "Can you please let me in?"

Jane reached up and unlocked the door. Her mother, apparently not interested in getting germy with her, pulled her to her feet before hugging her.

"He told me about the tally marks," Angela continued. "But it sounds like you don't know for sure what they really mean. Maybe they don't mean what you think they mean."

"Maybe," said Jane, but she didn't really believe it. She was just too tired to argue.

"At least you know she's alive."

"She just needs to stay that way long enough for me to find her."

"She's a very strong woman." Angela stepped back and assessed her daughter's appearance. "You know you look like hell. Please let me take you home so you can rest, or at least let me get you something to eat."

"Not right now. I just want to be alone for a little bit."

She couldn't really be alone at her own desk, so she went downstairs to Maura's office. On Maura's desk were three framed pictures that she always said cheered her up: one of Bass, one of Jane in her uniform, and one of Maura and Jane together at the Dirty Robber. Jane picked up the last picture and collapsed onto the couch, wondering if Maura would ever smile like that again.

Jane knew she had to adjust her best case scenario. Now the best scenario would be finding Maura right away, before she had to suffer too much more abuse. Jane knew they were going to have a very long road ahead of them even then. She'd been through her own share of traumatic experiences, not the least of them being when Charles Hoyt had pinned her to the floor by putting scalpels through her hands. If Korsak hadn't gotten there in time, Hoyt would have raped and killed her, and she well remembered the terrifying moments when she believed that was exactly what would happen. It had taken her a long time to move past that, and sometimes she wasn't sure she really had. She would go entire days without thinking much about it, where she could look at her hands and not even notice the scars. But then some days, inexplicably, she would catch a glimpse of her scars and suddenly feel the panic come rushing back in. Just like that, she would be full of shame and pain and fear again, and it could be very difficult to shake once it came back up. She wasn't sure it would ever really be over.

And now Maura, sweet, gentle Maura, was going to have the same kind of burden for the rest of her life. Jane hoped she had what it took to get her through it.

When she went back upstairs, she was filled with resolve. She noticed they had added a copy of Maura's picture to the display board, but she didn't linger there. She walked straight up to Frost.

"We're going to catch this son of a bitch," she told him. "We're going to get Maura out of there. And when we do, I am going to kill him. If he's unarmed when we catch him and he's cornered and he's not threatening us in any way, I'm still going to kill him. If you take my gun away, I will find something to stab him with. You cannot stop me. Am I clear?"

"Loud and clear," said Frost. "But, just between you and me, I'm not going to stand in your way."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Jane couldn't remember quite when Maura became the most important person in her life. She could not remember exactly when Maura had gone from being just someone she worked with, to a friend, to her best friend. She couldn't remember exactly when she had fallen in love with her, or when Maura had become someone she couldn't live without. But she knew when the letter came that she was going to do exactly what it said.

It came the day after the picture had arrived. Jane had spent two sleepless nights without Maura. She remembered Maura telling her once about the horrible things that happened to people who didn't sleep, something about hallucinations and eventual death, but it all seemed pretty minor compared to the ramifications of being without Maura. The letter, like the picture the day before, was addressed to Jane. It read:

 _Det. Jane Rizzoli –_

 _She keeps calling your name. If you would like to see her again, I would be happy to reunite the two of you. It can happen only if you follow my instructions to the letter:_

 _1\. Meet me at Carson Beach tonight at 11 pm. Wait near the water. I will come only when I see you._

 _2\. You will come alone. If I see anyone else on the beach, I will leave, and you will not see her again._

 _3\. You will come unarmed and without a cell phone or wire. I will search you._

 _4\. You will not be able to find her without me. Don't try anything stupid._

 _5\. You will come with me to my vehicle. If anyone follows us, I will kill you._

"I have to do it," said Jane immediately. The others were silent, no doubt trying to think of a way to use the unsub's plan against him.

"I don't like it," said Korsak. "It sounds like a trap. Why would he want you? You're not his type."

"He wouldn't want me on my own, but I'm sure all sorts of pervy ideas popped into his head when he found out Maura was in a lesbian relationship."

"It's too dangerous," said Frankie. "We can't let you do it, Jane. If we try to monitor you, he may find out and kill you. If we don't, he'll take you away and we may never see you again."

Jane shrugged. "I'm willing to take that risk. At least I'd be with Maura."

"If you did do it, we'd have to find a way to monitor you," said Korsak. "We can't send you away, unarmed, with no idea where he's taking you."

"If we don't do it the way he says, we might lose our only chance of finding Maura alive," insisted Jane. "Look, I'm pretty good at getting myself out of situations. I mean, I got away from Hoyt twice, with my hands tied." Korsak met her eyes, and she knew he was thinking of the time when she couldn't possibly have gotten away on her own. She held his gaze. "I can't just leave her there alone," she said quietly.

Frost had been silent the whole time, looking through his desk. Now he rejoined the group. "I think I know a way we can track her and still follow the directions," he said. He held up a small chip. "This is the kind of GPS tracker people use when they run marathons, so their families can track their progress. If you put this in your shoe, he probably won't find it when he searches you, but we'll be able to see exactly where you are on our computer. So you can actually meet him on your own, and we can give you guys a head start, but then we can follow and get you and Maura out."

Jane stepped forwards and threw her arms around Frost. "Thank you," she said in his ear.

Jane felt anxious when she went to the beach that night, but she found she wasn't really scared of what might happen to her. She felt pure hatred towards the man she was going to meet; there wasn't any room left to be frightened of him. Her only fear was of something going wrong with the rescue operation.

They had prepared as much as they could. Frost got the tracking chip working. Jane had put it in her sock and walked around the neighborhood for a bit to make sure they could track her successfully. She and Frankie agreed not to tell their mother what was going on, but he did volunteer to drive her to a point a half mile from the beach. She left her phone and gun with him before getting out to walk the rest of the way.

"I'll see you soon," she promised him.

"You'd better," he said. "Otherwise Ma will kill me. You know she'll find out I was in on this plan."

"Don't worry. The bastard's clearly getting overconfident. I mean, we're going to be two against one. He doesn't stand a chance."

"But Maura's being drugged, and he'll try to drug you too."

"And I know it's coming, so I'm ready for him. _And_ I have backup. You know how you said he'd make a mistake eventually?"

Frankie nodded.

"Well, this is his mistake." Jane hugged her brother and took off without looking back.

She couldn't see her watch in the dark, so she didn't really know how long she spent pacing around by the water before she saw the dark figure coming towards her. She froze and waited, resisting the urge to tackle him and strangle him the way he'd strangled his victims. She had to keep her anger under control until she knew where Maura was.

"Detective Rizzoli, I presume?" he said as he got closer. She noticed that he was pointing a gun at her, but she didn't mind. It just gave her a weapon to potentially turn on him later.

"That's me. I assume you heard about me from Maura?"

"She does seem to miss you quite a bit. I remember your name from the newspaper, though. You're one of the detectives investigating my case. I trust you've been enjoying my pictures?"

"It's nice to be kept up to date." Jane stood still while he patted her down. She was careful not to react even when he lingered too long in unpleasant places. She didn't even complain when he tied her hands behind her before walking her to his car. He took a lot of unnecessary turns as he drove, no doubt trying to make sure they weren't being followed. Jane hoped her tracking device was still working.

"She's sleeping at the moment," he said conversationally. "But I'm sure she'll be pleased to see you when she wakes up."

"Her name is Maura. Why won't you say her name?" He didn't answer. "Is this how you are with all of them? Does not saying their names make it easier to kill them?"

"If names are so important to you, why haven't you asked for mine?"

"I don't actually give a fuck what your name is."

"See? You understand." He parked behind an old, dilapidated house and ushered Jane inside with the gun to her back. Once indoors, he untied her hands. "You go first," he told her. "Up the stairs, to the room at the end of the hall."

Jane walked slowly up the stairs, hoping he would continue to believe he was controlling her with the gun and the promise of Maura for just a little longer. As soon as he decided to break out the ketamine, she was going to be as defenseless as all his other victims. But she _could not_ go on the attack until she had confirmed that Maura was there.

She froze at the top of the stairs. There was a light on in the room at the end of the hall, and she could see Maura lying motionless on the same iron bed they'd seen in the pictures. She couldn't tell from where she stood if Maura was alive or dead, but her next move had to be the same regardless.

In one smooth motion, she spun around and punched her captor between the eyes, knocking him down the stairs. She ran down after him and grabbed his gun, which he had dropped halfway down the staircase. Without waiting to see if he was injured, she raised the gun and shot him through the heart, shot him three times just to make sure. Then she put the safety on and ran back upstairs to Maura.

Maura still wasn't moving, even after the gunshots. For one horrible moment Jane thought she had arrived too late, but then she felt Maura's pulse. She was alive; just heavily drugged.

Jane gently pulled the blanket back to assess Maura's injuries. A part of her had still been hoping that he hadn't actually touched her, but that hope was quickly dashed. She had angry bruises on her shoulders and arms, the same bite marks as the other victims, and six ugly tally marks cut into her skin, just above her heart. The last one was still bleeding. Jane instinctively wiped the blood away, wanting to make her better somehow, and saw one of her own tears splash onto Maura's chest. It made her think of fairy tales she'd heard as a child where the tears of one person magically healed the wounds of another, and she fervently, absurdly, wished it could be true in real life. She wanted to make it all go away, to make Maura whole and happy like she was the last time she saw her. She wanted to kiss her and make her wake up.

She noticed then that Maura's right wrist was swollen and discolored, and for some reason, this enraged her more than anything else. _He broke her damn wrist,_ she thought. _How could he possibly have needed to break her wrist?_ She was tempted to go back downstairs and shoot him again, even though he had to be dead already, but her desire to stay by Maura's side won out. She gently covered Maura with the blanket and sat beside her, stroking her hair, until she heard the others arriving.

Frankie's relief was palpable when he saw his sister coming down the stairs, but Jane went past him to Korsak. "I need your coat," she told him.

"My coat?" He began taking it off in spite of his confusion.

"I need it for her. She's alive, but…"

"Take it then." He pushed it into her hands and she ran upstairs to put it on Maura. She didn't want to move Maura's broken wrist, so she just put her left arm in the sleeve and buttoned up the coat. It looked huge on her, but that was good; it meant she was covered. It meant that, no matter how humiliating the experience might be for her, at least her coworkers wouldn't see her naked.

"Is it okay to come in?" Frost called from the hallway.

"Yeah, I guess so."

He stepped through the doorway, saw Maura in Korsak's coat, and averted his eyes. "I'm sorry, Jane."

"She's alive. That's the most important thing. I was so scared I would never see her alive again."

"You did a good job. We thought we were coming to rescue you, but you had it under control. And you killed him, just like you said you would."

"Yes, but not slowly enough." She tried to smile at him, but found she couldn't yet. "If you didn't have that tracking device, I might not have been able to do this. I'm going to tell her that, that you saved her just as much as I did."

"You can tell her, but you know she's going to see you as the hero anyway. She always does." They heard sirens approaching. "That'll be the ambulance," said Frost. He put a hand on Jane's shoulder. "I know it doesn't look like it right now, but she's going to be okay. She has you."

Jane nodded, but she didn't know if it was true.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

When Maura woke up and saw Jane, she didn't know at first if she was real or not. She'd had quite a few hallucinations under the influence of the ketamine, and most of them involved Jane. She reached out to touch Jane with her left hand, to see if she was real. Her right hand still didn't work. It didn't hurt right now, but it was heavy. She touched Jane's face and it felt real, solid. It felt like Jane's face.

Jane took Maura's hand and held it against her skin. She looked down at Maura and her eyes were sad, or happy. Happy and sad. She said, "Hey! Welcome back."

Maura worked to move her tongue. It felt thicker than it should. "Jane," she said slowly. "What happened?"

"We came and got you," said Jane. "You're safe now. We're at the hospital."

She looked around the sterile room and then down at herself, noticing the cast on her right wrist. Then she looked back at Jane. "I knew," she said, her words coming out slurred. "I knew you would come." She struggled to push herself into a sitting position.

"Maura, be careful," fussed Jane. "You have two cracked ribs."

"I don't care. I missed you." Maura let herself fall forwards, throwing her arms awkwardly around Jane. Jane wrapped her in a fast hug, and Maura finally, _finally_ , felt safe.

She let herself stay there for a long time without talking, but then her head started to clear a little, and she had questions she needed answered.

"How long?" she asked, her voice a little stronger now. "How long was I there?"

"Three days and two nights. Too long, but not nearly as long as the women before you."

"How did you…find me?"

"He sent a letter saying he wanted to 'reunite' us, that you were asking for me. So I met him and let him take me to you. Frost gave me a tracking chip so they could find us."

"Did you arrest him?"

"Better. I killed him."

Maura numbly thought over what memories she had from the last few days. She tugged at her hospital gown, revealing the tally marks in her skin. Jane cringed.

"I don't remember getting these," Maura told her. "I would just wake up and there would be a new one."

"Good. It's better that you don't remember."

"Maybe, but I was so frustrated. I couldn't make it stop. I tried to find a way out, but my ankle was chained to the bed, and the bed was bolted down, and I couldn't get away." She felt panic rising in her, the same panic she had felt in that terrible house.

"It's okay, sweetie," Jane promised, rubbing Maura's back. "I know you did everything you could. There was no way for you to get out of there by yourself."

"You know…you know what he did to me?"

Jane nodded, blinking back tears. "I know."

"But you still want to be with me?"

Jane frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I'm _broken_."

"So? I've been broken before."

"I know it's not logical, but I feel…ruined."

Jane looked at her for a moment. "Scoot over," she said. "I'm joining you."

Maura carefully scooted over to one side of the bed, the same side she would have been on if they were at home in their real bed. Jane stretched out beside her.

"I can't sleep without you next to me anymore, did you know that?" said Jane. "I haven't slept a wink since you've been gone."

"I slept a lot, but it was because of the ketamine."

"It'll be good for us both to get some normal sleep," said Jane. She kissed Maura's face gently. "I love you," she said softly, taking Maura's good hand in hers. "I love everything about you." She kissed Maura's hand. "I love you more than anything." She laced her fingers through Maura's. "And you will never, _ever_ be ruined to me."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Jane was still wide awake when her mother arrived the next morning, but thankfully, Maura had finally gone to sleep. Angela found Jane lying on the bed with her arms protectively around Maura, whose head was resting on Jane's chest. Jane waved to acknowledge her mother's arrival and then put a finger to her lips. Angela tiptoed to the side of the bed and set down the bouquet of flowers and the bag she had brought with her.

"I brought the things you asked for from home," she whispered.

"Thanks," Jane whispered back. She glanced down at Maura. "I've never had to pee so bad in my life."

"So go pee!"

"I can't! She just fell asleep an hour ago!"

"Fine, pee the bed then." Angela sat down.

Jane continued lying in silence for a bit, hating to admit that her mother was right, before finally giving up.

"Okay, help me move her," she whispered. "But _be careful_."

"Do you think I don't know that?" Angela moved around the bed and helped Jane slowly ease Maura onto her back. "She's out cold, poor thing."

"She should be, after the night we had," Jane muttered, hurrying towards the bathroom. When she came back out, Angela grabbed her arm and dragged her out into the hall.

"How is she doing?" Angela asked.

"She's…bad, but not really any worse than you would expect." Jane pushed her hair out of her face. "When we found her, she had a lot of ketamine in her system, which is an anesthetic. It's getting out of her system now, so she's starting to really feel the pain from her injuries. They gave her some Vicodin, but all that really does is take the edge off. It took her hours to fall asleep. Every time she started to drift off, she would kind of jump back awake in combat mode, like she thought someone was attacking her. She didn't go to sleep for real until after they brought breakfast. Which she didn't touch." She looked down. "And I figured out pretty fast that I can't touch her when she's not expecting it."

Angela took her daughter's hands. "Jane, I'm sorry this happened to you both. But she will get better."

"I wish I could bring the sick bastard back to life."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"So I can break his wrist and then kill him again. I'm sure you noticed the cast on Maura's wrist?"

Angela nodded.

"It's a spiral fracture. That means he twisted her wrist until it broke. Thanks to the ketamine, she doesn't remember very much of what happened, but she _does_ remember that. And I just shot him straight through the heart. He didn't suffer. He died right away."

"Janie, you're a good person. I know you don't really want to make people suffer."

Jane shook her head. "We all have a dark side, Ma. Well, everyone except Maura. And when people hurt Maura, it brings out my dark side. I did what I had to do at the time, but I wish, I really wish, I could have made him suffer for what he did to her. Because she has to, and she didn't do anything wrong." Her voice broke and she stopped talking.

Angela squeezed Jane's hands. "Why don't you let me sit with Maura for a while, and you go take a walk outside. It might help you to clear your head."

Jane glanced into the room. Maura had curled into a ball, but she appeared to still be sleeping. "It might be nice to move around a little," she admitted. "But I'm going to stay on the property, okay? If she asks for me, just give me a call and I'll be right back up here."

"I will."

"And if she wakes up while I'm gone, see if you can get her to eat something."

She walked around outside for a little bit, but all she really wanted to do was go back upstairs and stare at Maura. As outraged as she was that any of this had happened, she was also overwhelmed with gratitude that she had gotten Maura back alive and that it hadn't taken weeks or months. So she went back inside, stopping briefly at the gift shop to buy a box of markers. On her way upstairs, she ran into Korsak at the elevator.

"I was just coming up to find you," he said. "How is Maura?"

"She has the same injuries as the others, plus a couple cracked ribs and a broken wrist. And she's scared to death, but who wouldn't be?"

"Sounds like she fought back harder than the others."

"Of course she did. She'd already seen the end result, three times. So what did you find in the house?"

"Well, we identified the unsub as Jared Nielson. We also found his supply of ketamine. It came from a veterinary clinic, so we turned it over to the drug unit. It should be easy enough for them to find out who was stealing it."

Jane stiffened. "Whoever supplied him with the ketamine is partly responsible for what happened to Maura."

"I know, and I know you want to go all _Man on Fire_ on everyone who played any kind of role in this, but you know we can't let you do that. The drug unit will take care of it, and you're not even on the case anymore." Jane started to protest, but Korsak held up his hands. "You know you can't stay on this case, Jane. Not when your significant other is one of the victims. It was one thing when we were looking for her, but now we found her, and you're being placed on leave. Your job is to be with her right now. I'll keep you in the loop as long as I know you're not going to do anything crazy."

 _"Okay_ ," Jane grumbled in frustration. "Did you find anything else?"

"We found the obligatory scrapbook. It had newspaper articles, and pictures he didn't send us."

"Please tell me there weren't any of Maura."

"There…may have been a couple."

"Korsak, you have to get rid of them before anyone else sees them. We don't really need them for evidence. The perp's dead. There won't be a trial."

She could tell from the look on Korsak's face that he was about to tell her something she wouldn't like. "There _may_ be a component to the case that we haven't actually solved yet."

She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"We think he may have been communicating with someone else."

"He didn't have a partner, did he?" She started to pace. "We only found DNA from one guy on all of our victims. It _was_ the guy I killed, wasn't it?"

"We're double checking that, but we don't think he was actually working with someone else. It's more like he was _competing_ with someone else. Some of the articles he had were for unsolved murders around New England that overlap with his kills, but the MO is different. The tally marks Nielson left on his victims may not have just been for his own sick pleasure. That may have been him bragging to the other guy."

"So, was this a friendly competition? Is this guy going to come to Boston now and try to finish the job with Maura, or, or bump me off because I whacked his buddy?"

"We don't know yet. As soon as I know something, I'll tell you. In the meantime, I'll post a guard outside Maura's room, just to be safe."

"Thank you. But could you tell the guard to maybe try and stay out of her sight? I don't want her to know she could still be in danger."

"I'll see what I can do."

She managed a tired smile. "I'd better get back upstairs." She held up her new markers. "I'm going to decorate Maura's cast for her, so when she looks at it she can think of something other than what it felt like to have her wrist broken."

"I didn't know you had any artistic talent."

"I don't, so….it should be interesting." She hesitated before getting on the elevator. "One time I asked Maura if, when I talk, she just hears 'blah, blah, blah, Maura, blah, blah, blah.'"

Korsak chuckled. "That sounds like something you would say."

"Yeah, but it's true, isn't it? Not that it's what she hears, but it's actually what I'm really saying, most of the time. Blah, blah, blah. _Maura_. Blah, blah, blah."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

This time when Maura woke up, her head felt much clearer, for better or worse. Jane was dozing in a chair next to the bed, and according to the clock on the wall, it was just past one in the afternoon. She noticed flowers on the nightstand and took the card out to see who they were from. She smiled when she read the note from Angela, and then she noticed an even bigger note on her cast that could only be from Jane. There was a giant black I, followed by a big red heart, followed by the word YOU. She smiled again. There was always something satisfying about seeing Jane get sappy.

Jane stirred in her chair and opened her eyes. She saw Maura looking at her and smiled. "Hey," she said. "You slept through my mom's visit. Don't worry, though. She'll be back."

"I saw the flowers she brought. That was very sweet."

"She'll probably bring brownies next time." Jane looked at the clock. "Well, you didn't eat breakfast. Do you want lunch?"

Maura shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"Well, I am. How about I order, and you eat off my plate like you normally do?"

"Okay."

Jane ordered her lunch and started going through a bag. "I had Ma bring us some stuff from home," she said. "She brought me a change of clothes. I guess I need to put them on at some point."

Maura looked at her. "You're still wearing what you had on the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, well, I haven't had time to worry about anything but finding you."

Maura remembered seeing Jane get dressed that morning. She remembered them eating breakfast, and driving to work together. She remembered kissing Jane before they got out of the car, and getting the text from Jane later saying to have lunch without her. She remembered going home, and then leaving to go back to work, and being grabbed from behind while she locked the back door, the needle going in her arm.

"Maura!" Jane's voice broke through, and suddenly Maura was back in the hospital room, hyperventilating. "Maura, breathe," said Jane, grabbing her shoulders. "It's okay. You're safe. You're with me."

Maura struggled to slow down her breathing. She put her good hand on Jane's arm and felt her warmth until it pulled her back to the present. Jane pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Maura," murmured Jane, rubbing her back. "I'm sorry this happened. I wish I'd been there to protect you."

"It's not your fault." Maura clung to Jane, shaking. "You came and got me. That's all that matters."

"I wish I could have gotten you sooner, though." Jane kissed Maura's head and stroked her matted hair. "Ma brought your hairbrush. Do you want me to brush your hair for you?"

Maura nodded. Jane pulled the brush out of the bag and began carefully working the tangles out of Maura's blonde waves. Her gentle touch had a calming effect. Maura could see a profound sadness in Jane's eyes, but she still looked at Maura adoringly. It made her feel hopeful to see that Jane could still look at her that way after everything that had happened.

"There, much better," said Jane, putting the brush down. "Although it really needs to be washed. I bet you wouldn't mind taking a bath." Maura nodded. "Well, there is a tub in your bathroom. I can talk to the nurse, see if we can get something to go over your cast."

"Did they get all the…evidence?"

Jane gave her a pained look. "Yes, sweetie. They did all that when you first got here. You were unconscious, but I was there. They did everything they were supposed to."

Maura nodded. "Okay. Just making sure."

The food came and Maura tried to eat, but all she managed was a French fry. Then Jane got the nurse to come unhook Maura's IV and put a plastic bag over her cast so she would be able to take a bath. Jane started running the water and came back to get Maura. "Well, there aren't any bath salts, and there isn't any organic volumizing shampoo from Fiji or whatever, but there's some really basic soap and some better-than-nothing shampoo in there."

Maura smiled. "I'm not in any position to complain, just as long as the water's hot."

Jane helped Maura to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind them. She untied Maura's gown in the back, but when it started to slip away, Maura glimpsed the bruises and bite marks and hastily covered herself back up.

"Maura," said Jane softly, putting her hand on Maura's back. "It's okay. I already saw."

Maura turned to face her. She was shaking violently again. "I…I look really bad."

"Not to me." Jane touched her face. "When you really love someone, you see them as whole even when they're broken. You have to trust that that's how I see you right now."

Maura nodded uncertainly. She let Jane take the gown off and help her into the tub. The hot water was soothing, but she found the strength had gone out of her. She leaned helplessly against Jane.

"Hey, you're okay. You're okay," promised Jane. "I've got you." She held Maura, kissed her, stroked her hair until Maura felt strong enough to sit up on her own again.

"I was glad to see you were sleeping earlier," Maura remarked as Jane washed her hair. "You need to sleep. Maybe after this you can stretch out on the bed, and I'll stay awake and let you sleep."

"You're the one in the hospital. Why don't you let me do the worrying?"

"But I can't help worrying. I love you too much."

"I really don't deserve you." Jane rinsed Maura's hair and carefully wiped off the smeared remnants of the makeup Maura had been wearing the day she was taken. "There's my beautiful girl!" she said when she was done. Maura smiled at her-not a real smile, of course; she hadn't smiled for real since her abduction—but enough to let Jane know she appreciated what she had said. She focused on Jane's touch and felt her shaking subside.

"I'm sorry I hit you last night," she said, breaking the stillness. While trying unsuccessfully to sleep, Maura had reverted back several times to thinking she was still with her abductor. The first time, Jane had reached out to comfort her, with disastrous consequences.

"It's okay," said Jane. "You didn't know where you were, and you _should_ hit people who are trying to hurt you. It made me kind of proud even if it did hurt a little."

"I gave you an epistaxis."

"A what?"

"A bloody nose."

"And it stopped bleeding, so everything's fine. Now I know to talk to you first before I try to touch you so you know it's me."

Maura sighed. "Does everyone at work know what happened to me?"

"Well, everyone who was working on the case knows, and maybe some other people too. Unfortunately, you became part of the case. Why do you ask?"

"I just...it's kind of humiliating. When I go back to work, people will see me and think of what happened."

"I think they'll see you and be glad you're back."

"You don't think they'll look at me differently?"

"Well, a serial killer took you, but you're still alive, so they might see you as being a little more badass than they originally thought."

Maura smiled a little in spite of herself. "I'm not badass."

"Yeah you are. You just hide it well." Jane helped Maura out of the water and toweled her off. "Look, they brought you a new gown," she said, holding it up. "It's _very_ fashionable. Get ready to be the belle of the ball."

"It _will_ be nice to wear real clothes again when I get out of here," Maura admitted, slipping into the gown and letting Jane tie it in the back. "I don't even know what happened to the dress I had on when…"

"It's okay. We'll get you a new one just like it." Jane helped Maura back into bed. "Do you think it'd be okay if I took a shower here? I really need one."

"Technically I don't think visitors are supposed to use the patient bathrooms, but I promise not to tell on you."

"I'll be quick."

Maura picked up the remote and started flipping channels, listening to the reassuring sound of the shower running. This was the sort of ordinary sound she was used to at home, the kind of sound that meant Jane was nearby and everything was as it should be. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since she'd last heard it.

"Jane," she said softly when her girlfriend emerged from the bathroom, toweling off her hair. "Does my family know anything about what happened?"

"Well, I haven't talked to them, but someone from the station would have notified them that you were missing, and then that you were found."

"But they don't know any details?"

"Probably not a lot of detail. Do you want me to call them?"

Maura shook her head. "I don't really want them to know details."

"Okay. Well, if you change your mind, let me know. I'll call whoever you want."

Maura nodded. "Lie down with me. You need more sleep."

Jane got into bed and slid her arms around Maura. "What are we watching?"

"It's an Italian movie."

"Subtitles. That _will_ put me to sleep!"

"Good. I promise not to hit you this time. I'll stay awake."

"You don't have to stay awake. I won't scare you again."

"But if I forget where I am again—"

"Don't worry. I've survived much worse." She kissed Maura's head. "I always say I love everything about you. That means I'm obligated to love the nosebleed you gave me."

Maura pondered that. "Do you also love it when I refuse to guess about something?"

"Of course. Some of those reddish-brown stains really aren't blood."

"What about when I talk like a know-it-all?"

"It's like having my own personal Google, only _so_ much sexier."

"Do you love that I can't lie?"

"Are you kidding? _Everyone_ wants a girlfriend who can't lie. I'm actually living the dream."

"What about when I correct your grammar? Do you love that?"

"How else will I learn?"

Maura giggled for the first time in days. It hurt her ribs, but she didn't care. She kissed Jane on the lips, another first since the abduction. "I love you," she whispered.

Jane stared into her eyes, and in that moment, she didn't look at Maura with sadness. Her eyes were full of love and amazement, the look that Maura lived for. "I love you too," she said.

And for a just little while, in Maura's mind, there was no Italian movie on television, no hospital room, no IV stand or nurses walking by the door, not even any pain or fear. There wasn't anything in the world but Jane.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The next day Maura was released from the hospital. Jane couldn't wait to get her back home so they could regain some sense of normalcy. Angela brought real clothes for Maura to change into, Jane brushed her hair neatly, and between the two of them, they had Maura looking almost ready for a night on the town by the time the nurse wheeled her downstairs.

When they got in the house, Maura froze for a minute, staring at the back door. Jane was worried she was having another intense flashback, but she snapped out of it when she saw Bass walking around the kitchen. She immediately lit up and knelt down to talk to him.

"I wish she looked at me the way she looks at that tortoise," Jane muttered to Angela, but she was amused. She hadn't been in the house either since discovering that Maura was missing, and now she found herself looking around with gratitude. She had hoped not to come back here without Maura, and she didn't have to.

As the days passed, they tried to pick up their lives where they had left off, but it wasn't easy. Maura slept little and ate even less. When she did sleep, it usually didn't take long for the nightmares to come. This was the worst part for Jane, because it gave her a glimpse of what Maura's ordeal must have been like for her. Maura would suddenly start screaming or crying, her hands raised to fend off an invisible attacker. Jane could only wake her by calling her name; to touch her in those moments was to become the attacker. Even if Maura was able to get back to sleep after that, Jane certainly couldn't. She would lie awake hating Jared Nielson, thinking, _she cried like that when he was hurting her, and he didn't even care_.

There was progress, though. Maura started seeing a therapist who specialized in working with survivors of sexual assault. She was going twice a week for now, and while she tended to leave the sessions in a rather dark mood, the grounding techniques she was learning really did seem to help her come back faster when she had a flashback. It was sometimes difficult for her to make it back without help, though, so Jane didn't dare leave her in the house alone. If Jane had errands to run, she waited for her mom to get home from work so Maura would always have someone nearby. Taking Maura with her didn't seem to be an option yet. Maura didn't want to go in public. It was as if she thought the shame of her ordeal was written on her face and could be plainly read by anyone who looked at her. She seemed keen on dodging most visitors as well. Jane was worried she was becoming too withdrawn, but, as with the eating and sleeping problems, she didn't know what she could do about it.

She came home one evening to find her mother cooking dinner, Frankie standing in the kitchen, and Maura nowhere in sight.

"Maura went upstairs to lie down," Angela said as soon as she saw her daughter.

 _She probably went upstairs not long after Frankie showed up_ , she thought. She put a stack of books down on the counter.

"You planning on doing a little light reading?" Frankie asked, raising his eyebrows.

"They're for Maura. She gave me this big list of books to get her from the library." She sat down at the counter. "I don't know how the hell she thinks she's going to read all these at once, but right now, I'm gonna get her whatever she asks for. She could tell me she wanted a pet camel and I'd probably go straight to Egypt and get her one."

"Don't tell her that," warned Angela. "She might ask for a ring."

"Well, she'll end up getting one of those even if she doesn't ask." Jane rubbed the tired muscles in her face and then looked up to see her mother and Frankie gaping at her. "What?"

"You're proposing to Maura?" asked Frankie.

"Well, not right _now_. I don't have a ring. I don't even have a plan. But I decided at the hospital that, when she's better and we're not in the middle of a crisis anymore, I'm gonna ask her to marry me. I think she deserves that, and we're basically bound for life anyway, so what could it hurt to make it official?" She looked from Angela to Frankie. "Do you guys not think she'll say yes?"

"Oh no, she'll say yes," Angela assured her. "I see the way she looks at you and talks about you. You're her Princess Charming. I just didn't know _you_ were thinking about marriage."

Frankie started snickering. " _What_ is so funny?" Jane demanded, scowling.

"I'm sorry. I just can't picture you being any kind of princess."

Jane cuffed him on the back of the head. "I'm going to need a lot of time to plan things out, anyway. I have to get a ring, and any ring that would be good enough for her would also be out of my price range, so I don't know what to do about that. And I have to come up with some creative and memorable way to propose, because she loves all that romantic crap. But all _I_ have to plan is the proposal, right? I'm sure she'll plan the wedding. I mean, if it were up to me, we'd just sneak to a courthouse and get married in our regular clothes, but she'll never go for that. She'll want a big wedding with everyone we know, and a seven-course meal, and a designer dress…" She looked up at her mother, reality sinking in. "She's probably going to make _me_ wear a wedding dress."

Frankie snickered again. "I think Ellen DeGeneres got married in a suit. I saw it on the cover of _People_ magazine."

"I would actually do that, but I don't think Maura will let me. Every time we go somewhere fancy, she wants me to put on a dress. She thinks I look _pretty_."

"My only daughter is not getting married in a suit," announced Angela. "Don't worry, Maura and I will find you the perfect dress."

"I hate it when you two gang up on me," Jane grumbled. Frankie was still snickering. Jane rounded on him. "Stop laughing at my hypothetical future wedding and tell me about the case. Do you have anything new?"

"What case?" Angela asked them. "I thought your case was closed. The man's dead, isn't he?"

"He's dead," Frankie assured her. "He just may have had a friend, or a rival. It's not exactly _our_ case anyway. It's a federal case, because the other guy killed people in more than one state. But we have been working with the FBI." He turned to Jane. "So, our other killer isn't in the habit of taking his victims home with him. He rapes them, kills them, and dumps the body, all in one night. He has a much longer list of victims than Nielson has, but Nielson did a lot more to each victim, so it's kind of a tossup. In a sense, the other guy's body count _is_ his tally, so we're theorizing that Nielson was doing the literal tally marks as a way of letting him know that he was just as prolific, maybe more so, in his own way."

"I hate them both," said Jane. "But they must have known each other personally. Why else would he care what the other guy thinks?"

"No, they definitely knew each other," agreed Frankie. "We compared Nielson's DNA to the samples found in the other victims, and a few of the early victims _did_ have Nielson's DNA, in addition to the other guy's."

"So they were working together at one time. Are they related?"

"No. But we're trying to find out how they did know each other. If we dig around enough in Nielson's past, maybe we can figure out who the other guy is."

"But we only found Nielson's DNA on our victims, right?"

"Yes. You definitely shot the right person. And, so far, we still have no reason to believe his acquaintance is going to pose a threat to you or Maura. But we'll keep the squad car outside just in case."

"I knew it!" said Angela. "I knew something wasn't right! I kept seeing this man sitting in his car down the street, and I could swear he was looking at me. Why don't they park closer to the house, though?"

"Keep your voice down," said Jane. "We told them to stay down the block so they would be less noticeable. Maura doesn't know about this other killer, and she doesn't need to know. She's nervous enough as it is."

"It's just a precaution," Frankie assured Angela. "Just until the guy is caught."

"They better catch him soon," said Angela. "My poor daughter-in-law needs to be able to move on with her life. We have a wedding to plan if we can ever get all this behind us."

Jane had to smile. Angela pulled her lasagna out of the oven and Frankie took his to go, leaving Jane alone with her mother.

"You should see if Maura's awake, and bring her down to eat if she is," suggested Angela.

"I'll check on her," said Jane. "But you know she isn't going to eat."

"She has to start sometime."

"I hope." She sighed in frustration. "Usually I'm the one who doesn't eat enough under stress. I've seen Maura eat a whole box of cookies after a bad day."

"Well, she's never been under this kind of stress before."

"I know. It makes me so mad. Basically, that son of a bitch took her away from me, and I got her back, but she's not the same anymore. It's not fair."

"She'll be the same again. Just give her time. I think she's doing pretty well, given the circumstances."

"She is, and I'm really proud of her, but I want my happy Maura back." She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears in. "If he were still alive, I'd give _him_ a tally mark for every tear she's shed because of him, and every meal she's skipped, and every nightmare she's had."

"Enough violent talk." Angela put her hand over Jane's. "You need to stop focusing on what he took from you and start focusing on what you still have. Upstairs is a very strong woman who loves you enough to get up every morning and keep trying, even though some days I'm sure it would be easier to just pull the blankets over her head. She's trying twice as hard as she would just for herself, because she knows it's breaking your heart to see her like this."

"I know." She wiped her eyes.

"And about the ring. I know you're worried about not being able to afford a nice one, but what about a family heirloom?"

"What do you mean? I don't want to give her a ring from a marriage that failed. That just seems like bad luck."

"I don't mean my ring. I've had my grandmother's engagement ring in a safety deposit box ever since she died. I haven't looked at it in years, but I always thought it was pretty. It had an emerald in the middle, with little diamonds around it in a kinda fancy design. I never had it appraised, but it could be worth something, and at least it has a family connection. She might like that."

Jane was touched. "You would actually give it to me?"

"Well, I'd always hoped I could give it to one of your brothers someday to propose with, but you're the one looking for a ring, and I think I'd like Maura to have it. You could take it to a jeweler, get it cleaned up and resized."

"That sounds really nice, Ma. I'd have to look at it first though, to decide if it's something she'd want."

"I'll get it from the bank tomorrow so you can see it. Now go get Maura. You know she'll have to eat at least a little of my lasagna."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Do you think we could go on a vacation sometime soon?" Maura asked. She was sitting on the couch with her tablet and Jane was beside her, supposedly watching TV, but Maura could see that her eyes weren't focused. Jane couldn't seem to focus on anything anymore, and Maura knew it was because she was worried about her. Everyone was. They all gave her the same look, a look that said, "I can't believe this happened to you." She didn't fault them for it. She still felt like she was trying to wake up from a nightmare, that the past few weeks couldn't have been real. But she was so tired of feeling like she was attending her own funeral. She needed people to stop grieving over her, but how? Maybe she _wasn't_ really here anymore. She was trying to do normal things again, at least around the house, but she would find herself just staring into space and suddenly realize that a lot of time had passed. It was hard for her to even imagine getting back to work and other social obligations when she was like this.

"A vacation?" Jane turned from the TV to look at her.

"Yeah, someplace warm."

"Sure, that sounds nice."

"Good, because I've always wanted to stay in one of those jungle treehouses."

"Wait, hang on, _what_?"

"There are hotels that have treehouses you can stay in. I'll show you." She started typing on her tablet.

"You'd actually want to sleep in a treehouse? Like, _overnight_?"

"It's not like a kid's treehouse." She held up her tablet to show Jane a picture. "They're fully enclosed, and they have electricity and bathrooms. They have the same furniture as any hotel room, but they're up in the trees, and you get a private deck where you can sit and look at the wildlife."

"But the door locks and everything?"

"Of course! This one is in Costa Rica, right next to a wildlife preserve. From the treehouse you can see all kinds of hummingbirds, and other animals like sloths and iguanas."

"Well, you know how much I love iguanas."

Maura's sensed Jane's sarcasm, but she chose to ignore it. "There's a beach nearby. And an active volcano."

"Who doesn't want to be near an active volcano?"

"And there's a spa at the hotel!"

"Can we take mud baths?"

"Maybe." She tapped a link, trying to see what the spa offerings were.

Jane gave her a tired smile. "If you think you'd enjoy sleeping in a tree house surrounded by iguanas, then book us one. It might be good for us to get away for a while. Especially you, since you've hardly been out of the house."

"I want my wrist to get better first, though." She looked down at her cast, which was now a riot of color. Everyone who'd come to see her had added a note or doodle with Jane's markers.

"Well, I doubt they have treehouses available for next week anyway." Jane stretched and put her arm around Maura's waist. "We have plenty of vacation time though. It would just be nice if you'd start eating first so you can actually enjoy the local cuisine on our trip."

Maura put her tablet down. "I want to, but I'm just not hungry."

"Have you talked to your therapist about that?"

"She said it was normal. It'll get better."

"You know I don't have much appetite when I'm under a lot of stress, but you and Ma make me eat anyway, and I'm always glad."

"I'll keep trying."

Jane hugged her. "I don't mean to pressure you. I just don't want you to get sick."

Maura touched the back of Jane's hand, pensively tracing the scar with her finger. She thought about the last time they'd had sex, the night before her abduction. She tried to remember how it felt. She didn't know if it was a blessing or a cruel irony that they had had such an exceptional sexual experience the night before their lives were torn apart. She still remembered every detail; she had clung to the memory during her captivity, reminding herself that her body could also feel good. Above all, she liked to remember the feeling of being _cherished_.

She knew Jane still cherished her, in spirit anyway. But she missed being cherished in body as well.

"Why do you keep touching my scar?" Jane asked her.

"I'm reminding myself that it's possible to put traumatic events behind us and not let them rule our lives. When I look at your scars most of the time, I don't even think about how you got them. They're just part of you, and I think they make you look stronger." She looked up at Jane. "I hope that's how I can feel one day about my own scars."

"You already look stronger than ever to me." Jane kissed her.

Maura studied Jane's face. "I want to have sex with you."

Jane's eyes widened. " _Now_?"

"Yes, now. My attacker tested negative for all STIs, so I think it's safe, but I do have protection."

"But, it's only been a few weeks. You're still healing."

"Well, my dominant hand isn't usable, and you're definitely _not_ touching my vagina right now." She tilted her head. "But my tongue is perfectly healthy, and so is my clitoris."

Jane's face softened. "But are you really sure you're ready?"

"Yes. I'm tired of my body being a crime scene. I'm tired of that…monster being the last person to touch me."

Jane cringed.

"It should be you," Maura said gently. "I want _you_ to be the most recent person to touch me. It should _always_ be you."

Jane nodded. "I really don't want it to be him anymore."

"So, we can do this?"

"If you're absolutely, one hundred percent sure it's what you want right now. I can wait as long as you need me to."

Maura kissed her. "I'm absolutely, one hundred percent sure it's what I want right now."

Maura thought she should take the lead since Jane seemed nervous, so she clumsily removed Jane's top and began sliding her lips and tongue over Jane's breasts. The sensation was familiar, comforting, and exhilarating all at once. She sucked one nipple and then the other, listening hopefully for signs that Jane was actually into this and not just humoring her. Finally she heard a sigh of pleasure escape from Jane. Relieved, she started travelling all over Jane's body with her mouth, trying to kiss every inch of skin before moving downward. Her cast kept getting in the way, but it couldn't be helped. She struggled to one-handedly unfasten Jane's pants and slide them off. Jane ended up having to help with that project, but finally, she was gloriously naked on the couch, looking as sexy as ever. Maura took in the sight for a moment before kneeling down between Jane's legs and sliding an eager tongue around her folds. Jane must have needed this more than she cared to admit, because it only took a few minutes of Maura swirling her clit with her tongue to bring her to orgasm.

Maura sat up, smiling, and lay back on her end of the couch. "It's my turn now."

Jane moved towards her, hesitantly. "If you change your mind, or you don't like anything I'm doing, just stop me."

"I will, but I'm not—you're not—" She sighed. "You're _you_. I'm not worried."

Jane nodded and gently undressed Maura. There was one horrible moment when Jane lowered her mouth to Maura's breast and Maura involuntarily pulled back, but she begged her not to stop.

"Maybe I'll just use my hands for now," Jane suggested. The feeling of Jane's hands on her breasts was much like the feeling of Jane's breasts under her lips: familiar, yet still amazing. She reveled in the sensation of Jane's caresses, her heart pounding as Jane reached down to stroke her clit with both fingers, and then with her tongue.

Jane was working hard, but Maura felt like she was running up against a wall. It felt good, it felt _so_ good, but there was no approaching climax. _I need to stop thinking about what I'm escaping from_ , she decided, _and just focus on Jane_. She touched Jane's head with her good hand and reached her fingers deep into Jane's untamed curls. She could feel Jane's energy, her passion, the restlessness that Maura never understood but loved anyway. And soon she felt her own sweet release. She moaned softly. Jane moved to lie down beside her and Maura wrapped her arms tightly around her girlfriend, holding her close and savoring the feeling of Jane's skin against her own.

"Thank you," she whispered into Jane's ear.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Jane woke to a sudden thrashing in the bed beside her. Jo Friday, already getting too familiar with this, jumped down off the foot of the bed.

"No," said Maura softly, and then her voice grew louder. " _No_. Stop, _please_ , stop!"

 _Trust Maura to remember her manners when she's trying to fight off a damn rapist_ , Jane thought grimly, pushing herself into a sitting position. "Maura," she said loudly. " _Maura_ , wake up! You're home. You're safe."

In the dim light from the streetlamp outside, Jane could see Maura's eyes open, but they didn't focus on her.

"Maura, honey, it's me," she said. "Can I touch you now?"

Maura nodded slowly. Jane lay back down and pulled Maura into her arms.

"I remembered something," Maura said softly. "Actually, I don't know if it was a real memory or just a bad dream. But, I can…I can still…feel it." Her breath started coming too fast. She was hyperventilating again.

"Maura, slow down. _Breathe_." Jane rubbed Maura's back slowly. "Think about what's actually around you."

"I can't right now." Maura dissolved into tears and pressed her face against Jane's neck, her shoulders shaking. Jane stroked her hair and tried to be strong for her, but she couldn't this time. She was too tired to make herself stay calm while Maura cried like her heart was being ripped in half. Instead she leaned her face against Maura's hair and cried along with her. _I killed him in real life_ , she thought, _but I can't kill him in her mind, and he can still hurt her there_.

They had made love again the previous night, and Maura had insisted on doing the "normal" thing and going to sleep as they were, even though Jane was concerned that the sensation of being naked under a blanket again would actually trigger more nightmares for Maura. She supposed, though, that the nightmares were going to come either way, and she _was_ glad that they had gotten their sex life back, more or less. It wasn't quite the way it used to be. Jane missed being able to just roll over in bed, take Maura in her arms, and make love to her, but with Maura's emotions being all over the map right now, Jane did not feel comfortable initiating. Right now they could have sex only when it was Maura's idea, and Maura had to dictate how it was going to happen.

Still, it was good for them. Maura seemed to be a little happier. She was eating more now. It still wasn't enough, really, but it was a significant improvement over before. Angela was knocking herself out trying to cook Maura's favorite things, to tempt her to eat just a little bit more. Maura also seemed a little less skittish around visitors, and Jane even got her out of the house once to see a movie.

Still, the nightmares and bad memories persisted. Jane knew it was normal, but that didn't make it any easier.

Suddenly Maura lifted her head up, wiped Jane's tears away, and kissed her face.

"I really don't deserve you," Jane whispered.

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I don't. Look at you. You've been through the most horrible experience and you're still worried because I'm crying."

Maura seemed a little calmer now. "Well I don't care any less about you just because something bad happened to me. Besides, you're going through something too. You can't make this all about me."

"How is it not about you? You're the one who was kidnapped and…and hurt. And you could have been killed."

"And you're the one who had to look for me, and worry that I was already dead. Honestly, I'm glad if one of us had to be taken by a serial killer that it was me instead of you."

"Really? Every day I wish it had been _me_ instead of _you_."

"I'm not surprised. Because in some ways, it's easier to be the one getting hurt than to see someone you love get hurt."

"I guess." She touched Maura's face. "It's the middle of the night, so I'm gonna say something corny, but you can't ever bring it up again."

"Okay."

"You are probably the closest thing to an angel that exists on this Earth. Okay, now forget I said it."

Maura broke into a smile. "I'm really not though."

"Mmm. Ever since this happened, I've been devising forms of torture that I wish I could inflict on the man who did this to you. I hate him exactly as much as I love you, but you don't seem to do that. You don't want to torture people. You don't even seem to hate anyone, no matter how much they deserve it."

"Well, I wasn't sad when I found out he died. Actually, I was kind of relieved."

"You'd be crazy if you weren't relieved. But you know, I was going to kill him whether I had to or not. I just wanted him to die for what he did to you."

Maura kissed her. "I know."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know _you_. You never let anyone by with hurting me. That's why I feel so safe with you."

Jane ran her hand slowly down Maura's back. "You feel tense. Is the dream still bothering you?"

Maura nodded. "I can still feel it."

"So do your grounding thing. Go through your senses. What do you feel right now, for real?"

Maura put her head down on Jane's chest and thought. "I can feel you. Your arms around me, and your body under me, and your skin. You're _naked_."

"Yeah, we both are."

Maura ran her fingers along Jane's arm. "You feel warm and safe. And I feel the blankets, and the bed under us. It all feels warm and safe and perfect."

Jane smiled. "Good! Now do another sense. What can you smell?"

Maura sniffed. "Your hair. I love the smell of your hair." She buried her face against Jane's hair and inhaled.

Jane chuckled. "We can skip sight since it's dark, but what do you hear?"

"I hear cars going by outside. And I hear your voice." She got quiet, but Jane could feel that her breathing had slowed down, and her muscles felt less tense.

"It's funny," Maura remarked. "I used to use dreams to escape from reality, and now I use reality to escape from dreams."

"Your dreams won't always suck this much," Jane promised.

"I know. But my reality now is better than even a good dream."

"Is it? I'm still dreaming about our old reality, before some bastard who didn't even know us decided he had the right to fuck everything up. Doesn't that make you mad?"

"Yes," admitted Maura. "I wish it hadn't happened. I wish things were still the way they were before. But I still feel lucky to be where I am now. I'm alive, I'm safe at home, and I still have you. If things had gone differently—if you hadn't been able to get me when you did—I'd still be there now, going through all that. I'm _very_ lucky."

Jane swallowed. "I don't even want to think about you being there that long."

"I can't stop thinking about it," said Maura. "Those other women were each there for a few months, going through the cycle of being drugged and raped over and over, day after day. I never thought about it before, when we were just working the case, but after I was there I realized…" She lifted her head up, peering at Jane through the darkness. "They must have been so _relieved_ when he finally killed them."

A chill went down Jane's spine. She thought of their desperate, fruitless attempts to find Jennifer O'Malley and then Rebecca Laurent alive, and wondered how long it took each of them to stop hoping to be saved. Even worse was the thought of Maura eventually wishing for death.

Maura had told Jane, bit by bit, everything she could remember from her ordeal. Jane had replayed it all in her mind so many times, she felt like she had been there. She knew Nielson had grabbed Maura from behind and injected her with the ketamine. She had struggled against him for maybe half a minute before blacking out. When she came to, she was lying in the iron bed they'd all seen in the pictures, unclothed but covered with a blanket, and she was bearing her first tally mark. In her drug-addled state she didn't notice at first that her ankle was cuffed to the bedframe, so she tried to get up and go to the window but fell down, hard. The sound brought Nielson back upstairs, and he took her picture before trying to inject her again. She gave him a good run for his money that time, trying to take the syringe and inject _him_ with it instead. She nearly succeeded, but then he grabbed her wrist and twisted it until the bones snapped, and that was the end of that. She came to again in the night, now with two tally marks. This time several hours passed before she saw Nielson again. The effects of the ketamine eventually wore off, leaving her aware of the blinding pain in her wrist, as well as a sharp vaginal pain that made her all too certain of what he was doing to her while she was blacked out. She tried to find a means of escape, but there was nothing she could do.

In the morning, Nielson brought her food, which she refused to eat. She did drink some water, but she threw it back up. Later in the day she tried to eat, but she threw that up too, and when she threw up, he hit her. She didn't eat or drink any more after that. The cycle of injections and tally marks continued until she woke up in the hospital with Jane.

The story had been difficult for Jane to listen to, and thinking about it still filled her with a blind rage, but she couldn't stop.

"Jane." Maura's voice brought her back to the present. Jane touched her girlfriend, feeling the silkiness of her hair, trying to push away the pain that had welled up inside.

"Where did you go?" Maura asked her. "You're doing what I do."

"I was just…thinking about everything you told me, about what happened to you."

"So, you're having a flashback about something you weren't even there for?"

"I wouldn't call it a flashback…"

"It affected you like a flashback." Maura put her head back down. "Jane, I still think it would be really helpful if you got counseling too. You went through your own traumatic experience, and now you're taking on the burden of _my_ experience as well."

"If you can live through it actually happening to you, I can certainly live through thinking about it."

"I'm living through it with the help of my therapist. And it's actually not unusual for the loved ones of sexual assault survivors to get counseling as well." She kissed Jane tenderly, which was what she tended to do when she really didn't want Jane to argue.

"Okay, I'll think about it," Jane mumbled. "Right now I just want to go back to sleep."

When Jane woke up again, it was morning, and she was alone. Fighting back panic, she threw on some clothes and went in search of her girlfriend.

"Maura?" she called loudly in the hallway.

"In here." Maura's faint voice drifted from her yoga room. "Could you bring me a hair band?"

Jane breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't really think someone could have gotten into the house and stolen Maura from their bed without her even noticing, but still. She grabbed a hair band from the dresser and went down the hall to the yoga room. Maura was sitting up straight with her feet by her hips and her hands on her knees. She was wearing yoga clothes, but her hair was in her face of course, since Jane hadn't been awake to help her with it.

"What's this pose called?" Jane asked, stepping behind Maura and putting her hair up for her. You could usually figure out what was on Maura's mind by what yoga pose she felt compelled to do.

"Hero's pose," said Maura softly. "I'm doing poses that help with delayed menstruation." She moved into a different pose, leaning her upper body towards an outstretched foot.

Jane sat down next to her. "Maura," she said gently. "We talked about this. You're not pregnant. You took the emergency contraception they gave you at the hospital, and they said it was good for seventy-two hours. Your period is late because of stress."

"Stress suppresses the function of the hypothalamus and interferes with the production of gonadotropin releasing hormone," Maura agreed. "Less GnRH means your pituitary gland produces less follicle stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone, which delays ovulation and keep the lining of your uterus from growing."

"That's exactly what I was thinking," joked Jane. "So what if your period's late? It's one less thing to worry about right now."

"I'd just feel better if I were absolutely sure. Emergency contraception doesn't work in at least eleven percent of cases."

"Which means it does work the other eighty-nine percent of the time, and that's if you even needed it. You would have had to be ovulating at the exact wrong moment to even have a chance of getting pregnant. So you're worried about something that's a longshot, which is exactly what you always tell me not to do."

"I know." Maura sat up and looked at Jane miserably. "But what would we do, if I was?"

"I really think that would have to be your decision. But I would support whatever you decided."

"Your family's Catholic. What would you do if I wanted to terminate?"

"I would take you to the clinic, hold your hand during the procedure, and not tell my family a damn thing about it. If you don't want any part of that bastard living inside of you, I can't really blame you for that."

Maura nodded as if taking this in. "And what if I wanted to keep it?"

"Then we'd have a baby."

"You would be okay with that?"

"We've tossed around the idea of maybe having one someday. So we didn't want one now, and certainly not like this, but things don't always happen the way you plan. And we _would_ save a lot of money on sperm."

"Wouldn't you worry that the child might have inherited violent tendencies from the biological father?"

"Well, look who your father is, and look how well you turned out. You'd probably have a sweet little mini genius. The biggest worry would be whether Mama Jane is smart enough to keep up with the kid."

"I think I would worry. But I'm not sure I could terminate either." She went back into her pose. "I just need to not be pregnant."

"Are you having any symptoms of pregnancy?"

"No."

"Because you're _not_. Do you want me to get you a test just to be sure?"

Maura was quiet for a minute. "No. Let me try this first."

Jane leaned over and kissed Maura's shoulder. "You do your yoga, and I'll go make breakfast." She got up and went downstairs, thinking to herself, _he damn well better not have made her pregnant_. She was telling the truth when she said she'd raise the kid if it came to that, but the asshole had already rearranged Maura's life far more than he had any right to, and it was clear that trying to make a decision about it was going to break Maura down even more. Besides, it sounded too much like another stupid fairy tale scenario. _If a demon impregnates an angel_ , she mused, _what is the result?_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Maura picked at her lunch. She was, as usual, trying to get as much down as she could, for Jane's sake. She found that having food in her stomach did not make her feel sick, but it was still hard to get it down with no appetite. Jane was pacing around the kitchen, texting someone and looking agitated.

"I got my period this morning," Maura announced.

"Good," said Jane, still distracted.

Maura frowned. "Did you even hear me? Because that was kind of a big deal. I don't have to worry about being pregnant anymore. You were right."

Jane looked up and smiled. "That _is_ good news. Didn't I tell you not to worry?"

Maura smiled back. "I'm _very_ relieved. Although it really did make me think about what it would be like to have a baby under better circumstances. Do you think we should, someday?"

Jane was looking at her phone again and clearly not paying attention. "Yeah sure, if you want."

"Who are you texting?" Maura asked her.

"Just Frost."

"Is he telling you about a case? What are they working on?"

"He's been updating me about cases since I've been gone." She put down the phone. "Are you eating?"

"Yes." Maura dutifully took another bite. She watched Jane stealing glances at her phone, still looking angry. The poor thing had to be going stir crazy by now. They had been off work for nearly a month, which seemed reasonable for Maura, whose scalpel hand was still in a cast, but less so for Jane, who was perfectly healthy.

"Maybe it's time for you to go back to work," Maura suggested. "I can tell you want to, and I'll be okay."

"What? No! I can't just leave you here alone! What if you need to open a jar or something?"

Maura smiled. "Why would I _need_ to open a jar while you're gone?"

"Or what if you have a flashback, and you need someone to call you back to the present?"

"Jane," Maura said softly, "I might have those for the rest of my life. We can't plan around them forever."

"They won't always be as frequent, or as intense. I'm not leaving you. I'll go back when you go back. Besides, we're going to Costa Rica soon. It wouldn't make sense to start working and then leave to go on vacation right away."

"You could fit in two full weeks of work before we go to Costa Rica. I can't work until we get back, and that's if they approve me for light duty while I'm getting the strength back in my wrist. Jane, I really think it would be good for you to get back out in the world and do the job you love. I'll be okay, and you can still check on me during the day. If I really needed you, I'm sure Korsak and the others would let you go. And then in the evening you can come home and tell me about what you did all day. You can't do that right now. I already know what you did all day. _I was there_."

Jane looked like she was really considering it. Maura was glad; she knew she'd get lonely being in the house by herself, but she hated knowing she was keeping Jane from doing what she loved most.

Suddenly Jane's face darkened, and she shook her head. "I can't, Maura. Maybe you're ready, but I'm not. I'll go back to work when you go."

Maura's heart sank. "But Jane, there's nothing wrong with you, and you love being a cop—"

"What I love is knowing you're safe. I went through something too, remember? I know three days doesn't sound like much in the grand scheme of things, but it was an eternity for me. I didn't know if I would ever see you again. I felt so helpless knowing what was happening to you and not being able to stop it. And then I got that letter, saying you were calling my name. I know you were drugged and you didn't understand that I couldn't hear you, but I can't get that out of my head. You called for me, and I didn't come."

"But you did come," Maura pointed out, her voice quiet. "You came _because_ I called for you. That was why he sent the letter."

"That's just it." Jane was pacing again. "In the end, that was what saved you. It wasn't me or Frost or any of the good guys. You're here now because he got greedy and decided to take me as well. I didn't protect you, and I didn't save you, but I will be _damned_ if I let anyone else touch you as long as I live."

She paused, her eyes meeting Maura's, and that was when something clicked in Maura's head.

"There's something you're not telling me, isn't there?"

Jane looked away.

"Jane." Maura felt cold dread spreading through her chest. "Please tell me."

"It's better if you don't know."

Maura tried to keep her voice steady. "How am I ever going to feel safe if I know you won't tell me when there's a problem?"

Jane gave her an agonized look. "The man who hurt you, at one time, was working with another man. Then he was apparently inactive for several years, and then he started again, on his own, doing things his own way. But the guy he used to work with is still out there killing people, and they appear to have still been in contact when I killed Nielson, although we can't tell if they were still friends or if they had become enemies. Since we don't know, we're going on the assumption that the surviving killer might target me for killing Nielson, or possibly even you for being the victim that got away. We've had a squad car down the block ever since you got home, and I can't leave you for long periods of time, because that officer is just the backup. I'm the one guarding you."

Maura tried to remember her breathing techniques, but she was drawing a blank. Her breath came faster and faster. She had been calming herself for weeks now by telling herself that she was safe, that the man who took her couldn't hurt her or even think about her anymore. But she wasn't really safe. Everyone had just been letting her think that because they knew she couldn't cope with the truth.

"Maura…" Jane's voice was gentle. "This is why I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to be scared when you're trying to get well."

Maura started to cry. "What does he do?"

"What do you mean?"

"The other killer. What does he do to his victims?"

Jane hesitated. "He rapes them and then strangles them."

"Does he drug them?"

"No. He…he doesn't keep them. He kills them after the first time. Why?"

"I just want to know what to expect if he...if he does find me."

"Oh, Maura." Jane came around the counter and took Maura in her arms. "He's not going to find you. They're working very hard on this case, and Frost was just texting me that they just found another victim from the other killer, in Connecticut. He's not even in Boston, and he's made no effort to contact us, so he probably doesn't even want to find you. But if he did, there's no way in hell any of us are going to let anything happen to you."

Maura heard the logic in her words, but all she could think was, _it's going to happen again, and this time I'll be fully aware while it's happening_.

"I can't do it again," she told Jane. "I can't. This time he would have to kill me, because I can't live through it again. I won't."

"Maura, don't say that." Jane bent down to Maura's eye level. "He _will not_ lay a finger on you. It's not like before. We're all coming together to protect you this time, like we should have done in the first place."

"You're sure it's enough?"

"We've got good locks on the doors, I've got my gun, we've got backup outside, Ma is looking out for you. If it makes you feel any safer, I can add another layer of protection. I can make Frankie start sleeping on our couch. Then you'll have two cops in the house, and one outside. I'm his big sister; I can bully him into anything."

Maura didn't know how to answer. She felt like all the progress she'd made in the past month had just come undone. All of her efforts to ground herself, to work through her feelings, to be intimate with Jane again, to eat—all of it was for nothing if she had to go through the same experience again in the future. She _couldn't_ , especially not so soon. She didn't think she would come back from it this time. She pulled back from Jane, trembling violently, and looked at the back door, where she had been taken. If one man could find her at home, so could the other one. He might already know where she lived. His friend could have told him. Maybe he was biding his time, waiting for everyone to think it was safe, before he would come and get her.

"Maura, Maura, I'm so sorry." Jane pulled her close again and kissed her head. "I promise we'll keep you safe. _No one_ will hurt you like that again."

"I think I just want to go lie down for a while." Upstairs felt safer than downstairs. She pulled away from Jane, left the remainder of her lunch on the counter, and slowly climbed the stairs, feeling lightheaded. She knew she should be mad at Jane for keeping this secret from her, but she didn't have the energy, and she knew Jane was only trying to protect her. Maybe she was right to do so. After all, Maura had just spent four weeks building up her strength instead of living in fear. But it hurt so much more to have it all come crashing back down again after working so hard. She felt ruined, contaminated, the way she had when she first woke up in the hospital. She got into bed and curled up in a ball.

Jane followed her and sat down on the bed. It was clear from her face that she was crushed by Maura's reaction. That was why Maura couldn't be mad. She felt bad for Jane, really. She'd been trying so hard, and now she was left to pick up the pieces all over again. She had to be the one, because Maura did not have it in her. She was utterly drained.

Jane reached out and ran her fingers through Maura's hair. "Please, Maura," she begged. "Don't go to that place. Focus on what's around you."

But she couldn't. There was no point in grounding herself in reality anymore, because reality wasn't safe either.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Maura was still in a bad state the next day, but she was slightly more functional. Frankie came over before his late shift to be Maura's official guard while Jane went out to do a few things. There were two stops she definitely had to make, and possibly a third, if she didn't talk herself out of it.

Her first trip was to the jeweler, to pick up Maura's ring. It had been cleaned, polished, and resized, and it looked brand new. Jane couldn't help but stare when she saw it. It _was_ a really pretty ring. It had what the jeweler called an Art Deco design, which would probably make sense to Maura…if she ever got to have the ring. Right now, Jane felt like a complete relationship failure. It was hard to imagine Maura actually _wanting_ to marry her.

Next she went to the station to get an update on the case. She had to admit, being back at her desk for a few minutes _did_ feel good. She really was itching to get back to work.

"This is the guy I mentioned to you yesterday," Frost said, showing her an old picture. "William Lovett. He went to high school with Nielson, and by all accounts, they had no other friends besides each other. Doesn't mean he's the guy we're looking for, but we'd sure like to talk to him."

"But you can't find him?"

"So far, no."

"How does anybody just disappear in the twenty-first century?" Jane turned away, frustrated, and then turned back. "So how do you get to be one of his victims? Could someone go undercover and lure him in? Because, I'd do it."

Korsak shook his head. "The way this man hunts is very different from Nielson. He hunts over a wide area, and we don't think he stalks his victims ahead of time. He sees a pretty girl walk away from a crowd, he goes after her. We can't predict where he's going to strike next, or when. There are usually several months between attacks."

"We have to do something," Jane insisted. "Maura found out about him yesterday, and she took it really hard. She stopped eating again. She's barely even talking. The only thing she wants to talk about is our trip to Costa Rica, because she's dying to get out of the damn country, and I don't blame her. At first I thought she was nuts for wanting to run off to the jungle and sleep in a fucking treehouse, but now I can't wait to get there with her. I _cannot_ wait. We might just decide to live there from now on."

"How did she find out?" asked Korsak.

"It was my fault. I was getting messages from Frost, and she could tell something was wrong by how I was acting. Once she asked, I knew I had to tell her because if I didn't, then she'd be freaking out wondering what was so horrible that I couldn't even tell her. I really hoped she'd take it better than she did though. I tried explaining, logically, that there is actually no known threat and that she's already under police protection, but it didn't seem to get through. She's acting like she thinks it's a done deal, that this other serial killer is for sure going to get her, and she _can't_ go on like that." She looked from Frost to Korsak. "You guys, I literally don't think she can take any more. If anything else happens to her right now, it's going to kill her."

"Nothing else is going to happen," promised Korsak. "She'll feel better once she's on vacation. Get her far away from all of this, give her some fresh air and sunshine, and I bet you'll see the old Maura again."

"I hope so," said Jane. "You have no idea how much I've missed her. I do see glimpses of her, now and then. I know she's still in there."

"So…did you get the ring?" Frost asked her.

Jane broke into a smile in spite of everything. She pulled the ring from her pocket and showed it to Frost and Korsak. "It was my great-grandmother's ring, from the 1920s."

"It's pretty," said Korsak. "It's kind of big to wear under her gloves though."

"Don't think I haven't thought of that," said Jane. "I also got her a necklace that's designed to hold a ring, so when she's working, she can put the ring on that and just tuck it in her shirt. That way she still has it with her, but it's not in her way."

"So when are you going to ask her?" Frost inquired.

"I'm not sure yet. I'm going to take the ring with me to Costa Rica, so maybe I can propose in our treehouse, or on the beach, or even on the damn volcano, if that would make her happy." Jane felt nervous about going near an active volcano, but it didn't seem to worry Maura, and apparently it _was_ a tourist attraction. "I want to do it when she's happy though. I'm hoping the trip will make her happy, but if it doesn't, then I'll wait until she is. I don't want her associating our engagement with a time when she felt anxious and miserable. And I want to be reasonably confident that she'll say yes."

"Why wouldn't she say yes?"

"I kind of feel like the worst girlfriend in the world right now. I can't find a way to make her feel safe, and I kept a really upsetting secret from her for a month. Now she probably doesn't even trust me anymore."

Korsak chuckled. "You also allowed yourself to be kidnapped by a serial killer so you could save her, stayed by her side when most people would have run away, and, after surviving something that would destroy most couples, all you want to do is marry her. She's never going to find someone who loves her more than you do."

"No," agreed Jane quietly. "I don't think she will."

Jane's final stop was not one she planned to tell anyone about. She wasn't sure it was even a good idea, as it involved seeing one of her least favorite people, and the thing she was after was not, strictly speaking, legal. But she had to give Maura peace of mind somehow, and this man had connections the police didn't have.

She kept William Lovett's name in the back of her mind on her way into the prison. She was going to mention it, but she had to be careful; he was, after all, only a person of interest, and might be completely innocent. It would be nice to know where he was, but she needed to convey the importance of finding the real killer, whether he was Lovett or someone else. She did not want innocent people getting hurt.

When they brought the prisoner in, he didn't look surprised to see her. He didn't look pleased either, but that was no shock. He probably hated her even more than she hated him. Still, he sat down across from her and waited to hear what she had to say. She sat in silence until the guards left them alone, and then she leaned forward.

"I don't know if you can help or not," she said quietly, "but your daughter may be in danger."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

When their plane took off, Maura finally felt like she could breathe again. She watched Boston shrinking away below them and reached for Jane's hand—with her right hand, which felt good. She'd gotten her cast off only a few days earlier, and while it would still take another six weeks to get her strength back in that wrist, it still felt good to be unfettered. Now she was going to a place where no one knew anything about what had happened to her, and she no longer had any outward signs of injury for people to ask about. There were still the tally mark scars on her chest, of course, but she had been careful to pack clothes that would cover that.

She was grateful that Jane had been so easy to talk into going on this trip. For all her good qualities, Jane wasn't the most adventurous person, and it wasn't that easy to get her out of Boston. But she had agreed to come, and had even promised to do whatever activities Maura wanted to do, within reason, as long as no boats were involved. Maura had already planned everything out, although she was a little disappointed about the boats.

By the time they got to the hotel, Maura was starting to feel like the past six weeks could have just been a bad dream. She could almost imagine that she and Jane had come straight here the day before her abduction and had left Korsak and the others back at home to solve the strange case of the killer who liked to carve tally marks on his victims. And maybe they would find out when they got home that the case had been solved, and there had never been a fourth victim.

The hotel they were staying at had several treehouses, but they were all spread out enough that you couldn't see one from another. When they climbed the stairs to their own tree house deck, Maura immediately put her bags down and went to the railing to take in the view. All she could see in any direction were trees, and all she could hear were insects and birds. It was so… _peaceful_.

"I love it," she breathed.

"Yeah, very isolated," agreed Jane. "If an axe murderer came out of those woods, no one would hear us scream."

Maura gave her a look. "Is there ever a time when you're _not_ thinking about homicide?"

"Sorry, old habit." She stepped up behind Maura and put her arms around her waist. "I'm sure there aren't any axe murderers here, and I'm definitely glad we came."

Maura smiled at her. "Really? You're already glad?"

"Absolutely. Even if we had to get back on the plane right now, it would still have been worth coming here just to see the look on your face right now."

Maura smiled brightly and carried her bags inside.

"What do you want to do first?" Jane asked her after inspecting the room.

Maura sat down on the bed and looked up at Jane appraisingly. "You know how you said no one would be able to hear us scream out here?"

"Yes…"

She grinned mischievously. "Wanna test that theory?"

Over the next few days, they were much too busy to give a lot of thought to any of their recent problems. Being so active caused Maura to actually work up an appetite and, to Jane's amazement, she ate entire meals without having to force herself.

"This was a perfect day," Maura remarked while she and Jane were sitting out on their little deck one evening, snacking on fresh fruit and watching a sloth move along a nearby tree branch. They had spent most of the day hiking through a national park before relaxing in the hot springs. Their hair was still wet, due to the humidity Jane had been complaining about, but it didn't bother Maura. She was really too happy to care.

"I think I know something that would make it even perfect-er," said Jane.

"That's not even a word."

"If Shakespeare could invent words, so can I." She went inside and came back with a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

"Where did you get that?" Maura asked her.

"From our fridge. I actually ordered it this morning, while you were in the shower, so we could have it tonight."

"Why tonight?"

"Why not tonight?"

Maura shrugged and accepted her champagne flute. Jane sat back and sipped, studying Maura fondly. "I really missed you," she said.

"How could you miss me? You've been with me practically 24/7 for the past several weeks."

"I've been with Sad Maura, Scared Maura, Exhausted Maura, sometimes Reasonably Content Maura. And don't get me wrong, I'm crazy about all of them. But I really, really missed Happy Maura. If I'd known she was hiding in Costa Rica, I would have come here a long time ago."

"I'm sorry I've been so—"

" _No_. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just really glad to see you smiling again! I forgot how beautiful you are when you're happy. Of course you're always gorgeous, but…Happy Maura kinda glows."

"I may have overreacted a little, when you told me about the other unsub." It was the first time either of them had mentioned the troubles they'd left behind, and Maura felt like she might be breaking an unwritten code, but she didn't know whether she would still be thinking this clearly when they got back home.

"I wouldn't say you overreacted. I think you have every right to be scared, I mean I'm scared too. I don't want anything to happen to either of us. But I don't like to see you totally consumed by fear. Then it's like he got you without even getting you."

Maura nodded. "I know. I'll try to be better, when we get back. We need to _live_ again."

"Does that mean I get to take Happy Maura back to Boston with me?"

Maura smiled. "I'll try really hard to get her on the plane. But I'm sure the others will be there too."

"That's fine, as long as I can see you smile sometimes. Like really smile, not just to be polite." Jane poured more champagne. "But to tell you the truth, you've handled the whole situation so much better than I would have. I'd probably still be curled up in a ball crying all day. And I would definitely have pushed you away, because I would be afraid you'd see me differently. I'd move out of your house so you couldn't look at me at all, and then hate myself for it. I wouldn't get therapy. I would have just let myself fall apart. But you, you're amazing. You're so much braver than I am."

"I think maybe we're each a different kind of brave. You do a lot of brave things I don't think I could do." She frowned. "But please don't ever pull away from me if something bad happens to you. I couldn't handle that."

"I won't. I know better now." Jane took Maura's hand and squeezed it. "I have something really important to ask you, but I'm not sure how."

Maura's stomach clenched. "Why aren't you sure how? Is it something upsetting?"

Jane smiled. "No, not at all. It's just kind of big."

Maura met her eyes uncertainly. "So just say it."

"I…well, I just…maybe I should wait until later."

"No," said Maura, tilting her head thoughtfully. "I think you should finish what you started. Ask me the question."

Jane bit her lip. "Well, I'm doing it wrong." She got up and knelt down in front of Maura, taking her hand. Maura drew in her breath.

"Maura Isles," began Jane. "I…I love you. I love everything about you. I love you more than anything. And I would really, really like it if you would be my—shit, I forgot something!" She started to stand up, but Maura pushed her back down.

"Finish asking the question and then you can get whatever you forgot," Maura told her sharply.

"But the thing I forgot is part of the question."

"I said _finish_."

Jane looked at her helplessly and let out her breath. "I was wondering if you would marry me?"

Maura smiled slowly. "That must have been the worst proposal ever."

"I'm _sorry_! I didn't really rehearse it. Do you want me to try again a different night?"

"No. It was also the best." She put her arms around Jane's neck and kissed her. "Do you want all the Mauras, or just the happy one?"

"All of them. The entire package deal. But if you accept, you have to put up with all the Janes."

"I can do that." She kissed her again. "I would love to marry you."

"Really?" Relief washed over Jane's face. "I was so worried you would say no. There's a ring too!" She dashed inside and came out a minute later carrying a tiny box. "I don't know if you'll like it. It belonged to my mother's mother's mother, when she was engaged, way back in the Roaring Twenties. My mom wanted me to give it to you."

Maura put her hand on her chest, touched. "Your mother wanted _me_ to have a family heirloom ring?"

"Are you kidding me? She's already calling you her daughter-in-law."

Tears welled up in Maura's eyes. "That's so sweet of her. I'm sure I'll love the ring."

Jane cracked open the box and showed it to her. It was gold, with a big oval emerald surrounded by tiny rose-cut diamonds in an intricate design. It was perfect.

"Put it on me," Maura requested. Jane carefully removed the ring from its box and slid it onto Maura's finger.

"There, it's official now," Jane announced.

Maura's tears spilled over. She threw her arms around Jane.

"These are happy tears, right?" Jane asked her.

"Yes! I'm happy that you still want to marry me after everything we've been through!"

"Still? Actually, I want to more than ever." She pulled back and looked at Maura. "Like you said when you wanted me to move in with you, life is too short to put things off. And it's not like I'm ever going to find anyone else who's even half as incredible, or as adorable, as you."

Maura grinned. "I certainly hope not!"

"So, you wanna go in and have really hot celebratory sex?"

Maura's eyes widened. It was the first time Jane had actually brought up sex on her own since the kidnapping, and it made Maura happier than she could say. "I would _love_ that," she said.

Jane took Maura's hand and led her inside the treehouse, carefully locking the door behind them. Maura got in bed and looked at Jane expectantly. She knew Jane had been on eggshells recently, so frightened of accidentally triggering Maura that Maura had to basically outline what she wanted Jane to do to her every time, and Maura was ready to be done with that. She wanted things to be more equal again.

Jane, perhaps getting the memo, got into bed and pulled Maura's shirt off without further prompting. Maura eagerly yanked off Jane's tank top and bra as well. Jane lightly caressed the curves of Maura's breasts as Maura teased Jane's nipples. Jane worked her way downwards, brushing her fingers lightly over Maura's skin to give her goosebumps. She eased off Maura's pants and underwear and ran her fingers back and forth along the inside of her thigh, stopping just short of her cunt each time.

"Jane," Maura murmured. "Just touch me."

"Touch you where?" Jane asked innocently.

"You _know_ where." She would have told her explicitly, but Jane hated it when she used technical terms in bed, and Maura preferred to call things by their real names.

Jane, no doubt hoping to continue avoiding the use of proper medical terms for the female anatomy during sex, obediently slid her fingers back down Maura's thigh, onto her vulva, and began caressing her outer and then inner labia. She then took one of Maura's nipples in her mouth while stroking Maura's clit slowly with two fingers. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane, holding her in place, feeling her passion. Jane pressed harder on her clit and slid her free hand up to cup Maura's other breast. Maura came loudly, her back arched, hands clutching at Jane's hair.

Jane maintained pressure for a moment longer before stretching out beside Maura. Maura rolled onto her side and reached for Jane, stroking the familiar contours of her body. She watched Jane's face as she slid one, and then two, fingers inside of her, curling them to stimulate the spongy area she knew so well. With her left hand she reached for Jane's hand and placed it between her own legs. "You do me too," she whispered, and Jane readily slid her long fingers inside of Maura, matching her stroke for stroke. Maura came first, and feeling it was unfair, quickly focused her full attention on Jane. She nudged Jane onto her back, knelt down between her legs and, applying full pressure to her G-spot with her fingers, sucked Jane's clit into her mouth. She moved her tongue and fingers in sync until Jane screamed out her orgasm, no doubt frightening the nearby wildlife. Maura started to withdraw but Jane seized her head and pulled her closer, so Maura resumed what she was doing until she felt Jane riding the crest of another glorious orgasm.

Feeling quite pleased with herself, Maura slid her body on top of Jane's in one fluid motion, gazing down into Jane's liquid brown eyes. "I really, really love you," she breathed.

"I know." Jane touched Maura's face. "You're kind of my favorite thing ever."

Maura beamed. "You're kind of _my_ favorite thing ever, too." She kissed Jane and shifted her weight, pressing her wet, swollen pussy against Jane's. She began moving her hips, rubbing her clit against Jane's gently, and then harder, until they strained together with almost simultaneous orgasms.

Afterwards they lay facing each other, legs intertwined, listening to the insects sing outside. Maura wondered if Jane was thinking the same thing she was: that this was a lot like the night before the abduction, that they were finally getting back to that place. She raised her left hand and examined her ring again. She wasn't sure what her parents would say when she told them, but she realized she didn't care as much as she used to. She had a new family now that loved her exactly the way she was.

"Did you ever think you'd be marrying a woman?" Jane asked her suddenly.

"No," Maura admitted. "But then, I didn't really expect to get married. I liked fantasizing about what my wedding would be like if I had one, but I didn't really want a husband that much, so…"

"Mm. Well, now you get the wedding without the husband. How cool is that?"

Maura grinned at her. "Very cool. Before we were together, I always hoped you'd never get married either, because I wanted to still be your first priority. I knew it was selfish, but I hoped it anyway."

"You could never stop being my first priority," Jane said softly. "Besides, you know I never would have married some guy."

Maura took Jane's hand and slowly ran her thumb over each finger. "So what made you want to marry me?"

"Well, you're _you_."

Maura laughed. "You're going to have to be more specific than that."

Jane thought it over. "I kind of figured when we got together that it was going to end up being a lifelong thing. I mean, as important as you were to me, I wouldn't have tried to change the nature of our relationship unless I believed we could make it last. And then when I moved in with you, same thing. I wouldn't have done it unless I felt like it was going to be permanent. So I guess it was always in the back of my mind that we would probably get married eventually. It just made sense. But then recent events made me feel like we should do it sooner rather than later."

"How so?"

"Well…" Jane put an arm over Maura, somewhat protectively. "When you were gone, all I could think about was how I couldn't live without you, how my life would be over if I didn't get you back. You had become like the center of my universe, you know? I didn't have any kind of plan for how to go on without you. I just knew I couldn't do it. And I was also worried, if we did find you alive, about what sort of state you'd be in. We had nothing to go on. I was afraid of weeks or months passing, and you going through that torture the whole time… so I was afraid of the psychological damage you might have when we found you. It's like soldiers who've been in combat; sometimes they're never the same again. If you'd been there two or three months, it was possible that the damage would have been irreversible. You could have had such a severe case of PTSD that you'd never function normally again. I was trying to brace myself for the fact that even if I got you back, you might not be the same person I lost, and all I could think about was how to take care of you if that happened. I was worried about not being good enough, but it never crossed my mind to give up on you. I would have stayed, if you let me, and looked after you forever no matter what condition you were in." Her voice broke and she swallowed. "And when you feel that strongly about someone, and you get her back and she's still the same amazing person you fell in love with, it doesn't make any sense not to marry her."

Maura wiped a tear away. "I would do the same for you," she said softly. "Take care of you, I mean. Even if you weren't the same anymore."

Jane pulled Maura closer. "I know."

"And you thought I'd say no." Maura started giggling.

"I didn't know what you'd say! I was _afraid_ you'd say no."

"You are going to look so beautiful in your dress."

"I _knew_ you were going to say that. That much I did know, that if you accepted, you were going to put me in a dress."

"Well, you picked the wrong bride if you want to get married in a Red Sox Jersey."

"I know, I know."

Maura closed her eyes happily, envisioning wedding dresses and flowers and cake and champagne. She knew her dreams would not take her to any dark places that night.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Jane stepped onto the elevator and pushed the button for the lower level. She and Maura had been back at work for close to a month now, and Jane was relishing every moment of having their old routine back. She loved solving murders with Frost and Korsak. She loved knowing none of the dead bodies were going to have tally marks on them. And, most of all, she loved being able to go downstairs and see Maura in her lab, doing what she was best at.

Maura had been amazing since coming back. Jane knew the autopsies had to be a little more unsettling for her now, but she wasn't letting it get in the way of her doing her job. There had only been one real hiccup so far, when Maura had to do her first rape kit after returning. Jane had wanted to bring someone else in for that case, but Maura refused, and she got all the way through collecting the semen and writing her report before breaking down and locking herself in her office. But she even handled that situation admirably, calling Jane down to comfort her for a while before going back to finish the autopsy.

Jane was also very impressed with how well Maura was doing outside of work. She was now seeing her therapist only once a week and had, to the best of her ability, kept her promise not to live in fear of the unsub Nielson had once worked with. It helped that Jane had given her a distraction in the form of wedding planning. _That_ was taking up an enormous amount of time. As Jane had predicted, her mother and Maura were going nuts with wedding ideas, sometimes scheming together and sometimes butting heads. What she had not predicted was that they wanted _her_ to have an opinion on _everything_. Jane really didn't have opinions about flower arrangements, color schemes, or music selections, but she quickly learned that "I don't care, do whatever you want" was _always_ the wrong answer.

As for Jane, the time had come to accept that she needed a therapist of her own. It was happening more and more often for her now: the nightmares about Maura vanishing and never coming home, the overwhelming fear of someone else hurting Maura, the intrusive thoughts that took her completely out of the present moment. It was like she had been unconsciously waiting for Maura to get better so she could fall apart herself. A certain rage had been building up in her ever since Maura was taken. She was outraged that Maura had become one of Nielson's victims. She felt like some sacred law had been broken, which she supposed was how the loved ones of every victim of violent crime felt, but still. This was _Maura_. Nothing like that was ever supposed to happen to her. Even though Maura was now getting her life back and generally handling the situation like a motherfucking boss, Jane could not stop wishing for a way to undo everything that had happened. She hated that Maura had to go through that, she hated knowing that it would affect Maura in some way or another throughout her life, and she _hated_ that Maura was currently looking at wedding dresses and ruling out a lot of the ones she liked because they were too low-cut and would show her tally mark scars. She knew the rage would tear her apart eventually if she didn't do something about it.

Jane walked into the morgue and found Maura and Susie huddled by the computer, looking way too happy to be working on an autopsy report.

"Are you looking at wedding dresses again?" Jane asked.

Maura looked up and smiled. "I was just showing Susie some of my favorites while I waited for you to get down here."

"Mm hm. So, do you think you're going to get it narrowed down before the wedding?"

"I am narrowing it down right now. I'll be ready to work on yours as soon as I've settled on mine."

"Well, you'll look gorgeous in whatever you choose. You could come down the aisle in that lab coat and I wouldn't complain."

"Jane, I'm only planning to get married once. It needs to be perfect, for both of us."

 _It already is_ , thought Jane, but she didn't like to get mushy in front of Susie. "So, about this dead body?"

"Oh yes!" Maura led her over to the body. Jane could see that Maura had her ring on the chain Jane had gotten her. Maura kept fondling the ring absent-mindedly, which made Jane smile. "So, his injuries are consistent with being hit by a car, but I don't think he was hit in the neighborhood you found him in. There are chunks of gravel embedded in his head. See?"

"Gross," said Jane. "But there was no gravel in the area we found him in."

"Exactly. So they must have transported the body after they hit him."

"So instead of a hit and run, it's more of a hit, load body into car, dump body somewhere else, and run?"

"I think so."

"So, if it was a gravel road, that means it was outside of Boston. Someplace rural."

"Or in someone's driveway."

"Well wherever it was, they had a reason for not wanting to leave the body there. Do you think you could find out where he was hit from the gravel?"

"Possibly." Maura used her tweezers to extract a pebble from the dead man's head. "It's pea gravel, which means he was probably hit in a driveway. If we could find all the driveways that have this exact type and color of gravel, then we could search them all for signs of blood, and match it to the victim. It might be a lot of driveways, though…" She looked up and eyed Jane carefully. "I've been looking at A-line and ball gowns for myself, but I think a sheath would be more suited to your body type."

"Mm. So you're ruling this a homicide, right?"

"Yes!"

"Just checking." Jane noticed Susie had left the room and automatically reached for Maura's hand.

"I've been researching venues too," Maura told her. "There are a lot of good ones. The Boston Harbor Hotel is beautiful, and so is the Institute of Contemporary Art, but I don't think I want either of those."

"So what do you want? We're not getting married on some volcano in Santorini or whatever. What is it with you and volcanoes, anyway?"

Maura laughed. "That was a _fantasy_ wedding, Jane. I understand that I need to be more practical when I'm planning a _real_ wedding. Anyway, I looked into it, and it's actually possible to get married at Fenway Park. People do it." She opened a new webpage on her computer and showed Jane pictures of weddings at Fenway. "You can't do it _on_ the field, but you can do it _overlooking_ the field, and there are places indoors where we can have the reception."

Jane was almost speechless. "You would do that for me?"

Maura smiled. "It's our wedding. It needs to make both of us happy. You're letting me pick dresses, food, flowers, music—it seems like you should get to pick something big. And I knew this was what you'd pick."

Jane hugged her. "I should have married you a long time ago."

Just then Korsak rushed in, crashing their tender moment. "Jane, they found William Lovett."

Jane's heart started racing. She pulled back from Maura, but kept hold of her arm. "Where is he? Can we go talk to him?"

Korsak shook his head. "They found his _body_ , at home in Rhode Island. Someone stabbed him to death."

 _So Paddy's men found him_. "Is he our killer?"

"His DNA matches what was found on the victims."

Maura let out her breath. "So it's over? There's no one left to come after us?"

"It's over," Korsak told her gently. "There's no evidence that he or Nielson ever worked with anyone else. You won't need a squad car outside of your house tonight." He looked at Jane like he wanted to say more, but didn't think he should in front of Maura.

"Oh Jane." Maura turned to Jane and hugged her again. "I was so worried we would still be dealing with this at our wedding! Do you realize what this means?" She stepped back. "We don't have to look over our shoulders anymore. We can just… _live_."

Jane smiled at her. "We sure can." She turned back to Korsak. "What else did you want to say?"

He looked at her uncertainly. "It's not much, it's just that, we'll never know for sure if he would have eventually come after you two, but it does appear that he was still on good terms with Nielson. He had pictures that Nielson must have sent him of all his victims, like the ones he sent us, with tally marks on the back. It was the same pattern he followed with us, except that there was an early picture of the first victim, Kelly Bruin, as well."

"So he would send a picture when he first took someone, and again after he killed her?"

"Yes, and sometimes a few in between as well. He definitely wanted to keep Lovett up to speed."

"Was there one of me?" Maura asked softly.

Korsak nodded gravely. "Just one, like the one he sent us. So Lovett did know about you."

Maura seemed to be turning that over in her mind. Jane put an arm around her. "He never could have gotten anywhere near you, though," she promised. "And whoever killed him deserves a medal."

"That's pretty much the way I feel," agreed Korsak. "They don't know who did it yet, and I don't really care. I'm just glad it's done."

When he left, Jane turned back to Maura. "We've been a couple, what, nine months now?"

Maura nodded.

"You realize that our entire relationship, we've been dealing with this tally marks guy and then his friend. And now we're finally done with both of them."

Maura smiled sadly. "As much as we can be, anyway."

"We can be, and we _are_. It's over. They're both dead. There won't be any more victims from either of them."

"Except one victim lived." Maura held Jane's gaze, unblinking. "And I'm always going to have the marks. You'll always have to see them, and be reminded."

"You're not a victim anymore. You're a survivor now." Jane felt the familiar rage rising in her and fought it, as she always did around Maura, for fear that Maura would think it was directed at her. She had actually researched scar removal online, unbeknownst to Maura, but every article she found said that surgery could only reduce the appearance of scars; it couldn't erase them entirely, which Maura undoubtedly knew already. "Anyway, your scars don't have to remind us of the case. To me they're a reminder that you're still here, which means we won, which means it's _over_."

"Well, it has been three months, so there's a good chance I would be dead by now, if things had gone according to plan." Jane had noticed that Maura never said Nielson's name. She'd heard it plenty of times, so she had to know what it was, but for whatever reason, she went on acting like the man had no name.

"But, you're alive, and planning a _wedding_ ," Jane said, eager to get Maura's mind back on happier topics. "And we really don't have to get married at Fenway Park. It's not very _you_."

"But it's very _you_ , and I saw the way your face lit up when I mentioned it. Besides, I have some ideas for how to decorate the room we rent for the reception. It'll be very elegant."

"If you really marry me at Fenway, you can do whatever the hell you want with the reception room." Jane frowned thoughtfully. "That was actually a very clever move on your part, because I'm probably going to let you by with anything now."

Maura gave her a sly smile.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Maura stood by the window and looked out at the empty ball park. It had gotten dark out, but the lights were on, and it had a sort of haunting look. It was the first moment during the reception that Maura had found herself standing alone, and she doubted it would last long, but she was grateful to have a chance to catch her breath. She wasn't even sure where Jane was, but she knew she had to turn up sooner or later. She touched her new ring, a simple engraved gold band to match Jane's. With this ring came not only a new life, but a new name, for her personal life at least. Professionally she would still be known as Dr. Isles, but outside of work she was adopting the name Isles-Rizzoli. She didn't want to give up her own name, but she was very happy to finally be an _official_ member of the Rizzoli family, and she wanted to brag about it.

Not by any stretch of the imagination had Maura ever imagined herself getting married at a baseball field, but she was glad she had. She knew Jane had gone into the engagement just wanting to be married, but not really wanting the wedding itself. The venue choice made Jane as excited about the ceremony as Maura was, which made it completely worthwhile. Maura knew her parents didn't really approve of the location, or her secondhand engagement ring, or, for that matter, her choice of mate. Hope at least wasn't disapproving, but then, she had never been a big enough part of Maura's life to really have the right to disapprove of anything. Still, they had all come, as had Jane's father, who had initially been very upset to learn that his only daughter was actually marrying another woman. Maura still felt like he wasn't that crazy about her, but at least he was respectful.

And then there was Angela, who was practically running the reception. Maura knew this scenario wasn't exactly what she'd always dreamed of for Jane either, but in the end all she cared about was seeing her daughter happy. Maura could not possibly have asked for a better mother-in-law, or better brothers-in-law than Frankie and Tommy. Nor could they have asked for better friends and co-workers than Korsak and Susie and everyone else who was there, but there was one noted exception: Frost was no longer with them. He had been killed in a car accident not too long after the engagement. They had invited his mother and her wife to the wedding in his stead (after all, Jane and Maura had attended their wedding), but his absence was more tangible than ever today, at this event that might never have taken place without his help.

It had been over a year since the Thing happened. Maura was never exactly sure what to call it, since it was really several terrible things happening all at once and becoming one single awful event. In her mind she just thought of it as the event that had shattered her entire life, at a time when life was better than it had ever been before. She wasn't so bitter about that now. It had taken time, but she had put her life back together, and now life was even better than it was before the event happened. That Thing could easily have torn her and Jane apart, but somehow, it had brought them closer together instead. And because of that, Maura really had no fear for the future of their relationship, their marriage. She was pretty sure they could handle anything by now.

She had come a long way since it happened. While at first she had felt completely destroyed, now most of the time she felt like some sort of mighty warrior for having gotten through it. She still had her bad days, of course. There were certain things that could trigger her and throw her off for an entire day, sometimes longer, but it was happening less often as time went on. She still saw her therapist every other week, and that helped. Jane had even put in a solid year with her own therapist to help her deal with what happened, which made Maura proud. She knew Jane wasn't the biggest fan of sitting around talking about her feelings.

Oddly, she found that she no longer remembered certain things about her attacker, while other details were still much too clear. She couldn't remember his face at all, and she had a really hard time remembering his name, even though she'd heard Jane and the others mention it several times. But she remembered the feel of his hands on her so clearly some days that she wanted to climb right out of her skin, and for some reason, she remembered the sound of his breathing. That remained her biggest trigger: if she heard someone in public whose breathing reminded her of his, she had to leave immediately. Fortunately, it was not a common occurrence, and Jane was very understanding. Maura felt like she had fallen in love with Jane in a whole new way through this otherwise very negative experience.

"Hey." Maura looked around and saw Jane coming up behind her. "It's a nice view, isn't it?"

Maura smiled. "I like this view better," she said, tracing Jane's form with her eyes. "I know I said it already, but you look gorgeous in that dress."

"And I'm glad you like it, but I won't pretend I'm not looking forward to taking it back off."

Maura tilted her head, unable to suppress a devious grin. "Well, I won't pretend I'm not looking forward to taking it off you."

Jane chuckled, wrapping her arms around Maura's waist. "We could just go."

"We can't leave early! It's _our_ party!"

"Yes, it is _our_ party, which means no one can stop us from leaving. Come on, there's only an hour left anyway. Let's go break in our marriage bed."

Maura frowned. "But we still have the same bed."

"Yes, but it wasn't a _marriage_ bed before today. We just magically turned it into one, or at least we will when we officially consummate our marriage in it."

"Well, yes, I suppose so." She studied Jane's face. "Is the crowd starting to overwhelm you?" She knew Jane tended to get uncomfortable at large social events like this.

"A little bit. I'm actually not sure which side of the family is driving me crazier, but you can certainly tell which is which."

Maura's eyes swept the room. It _was_ pretty obvious which guests were her relatives and family friends, and which were Jane's. You could tell by what they wore, their mannerisms, their speech patterns…and they really weren't interacting much with each other.

"I think everyone who came here for you is wondering how you got stuck with me," Jane whispered.

"How _did_ I get stuck with you?" Maura teased.

"I knew I was marrying up, but in my case I don't think that means I'm actually joining high society. I'll never fit in with those people."

Maura gave her an indulgent smile. "I don't really want you to. I like you so much better than them."

"Well I _hope_ so." She took Maura's hand. "Shall we go?"

"Yes, I think so. But we should say goodbye first, shouldn't we?"

"Nah. I think everyone will figure out where we went." She squeezed Maura's hand. "I say we just run."

Maura lit up. "Like we're escaping criminals or something?"

Jane laughed. "So we're starting the role play right now, are we?" She kissed Maura's cheek. "Yes. Exactly like escaping criminals."

"We could be prison cell mates who formed a relationship and are now escaping together," Maura suggested excitedly.

"Yes. In our wedding dresses, which we had on in jail."

Maura made a face at her.

"We'll work it out in the car," Jane promised. "Now let's _run_."

So they ran.

 **Thank you for reading, and please check out the sequel, Beyond the Shadows!  
A fiction adaptation of Out of the Shadows is now available in paperback and on Kindle! It's the same essential storyline, but with new characters and a lot more detail! Visit my profile for the link or go to Amazon and search for Out of the Shadows: A Detective Amy Sadler Mystery.**


End file.
